H2OVanoss & Bitches

Love is a big Word (H2OVanoss)

The clock on the dashboard flickered off with the radio after the car had been sitting idle for so long. The loss of soft music in the background went unnoticed to Evan, but Jonathan had been itching for the prolonged silence to be filled if only by overplayed pop songs. He wasn't good at this, whatever this is, neither of them are.

For as long as Jonathan could remember. Since he moved out west really, he and Evan had been near inseparable. Their friendship transferred over into real life better than either of them probably imagined it would, but it was the opposite of a problem.

Jonathan needed Evan like Evan needed Jonathan, and being able to call him up at two AM was one of those easy things that came with the territory of being best friends. Though that label in itself was a little too loose of a term for Jonathan's liking. Evan was more than his best friend, hell, the man was practically his soulmate, but he'd always had trouble distinguishing his affection for people.

With Evan, the lines were always blurred in Jonathan's eyes. With Evan, things were easy as breathing. With Evan, life wasn't as bland or void. Happiness came easily when he was around and it is for that reason Jonathan found himself in this debacle.

Relationships, platonic or otherwise weren't Jonathan's forte for an abundance of reasons, the main one being how quickly he fell in love with all the wrong people. In his defense, though, he'd be a fool not to fall in love with Evan.

It was such a simple, natural thing that he didn't realize it was even happening until it was too late. Until he couldn't just look at Evan, but he had to look at Evan. Notice the small things, the insignificant things, the things that shouldn't matter to just regular old friends, but mattered so much to Jonathan, too much to Jonathan. He couldn't be next to Evan without wanting more, but that was so selfish and so inappropriate.

"Spit it out, Jon. You're making me anxious, for fuck's sake." Evan complained from the driver's seat where he slouched comfortably. He was watching Jonathan fidget, eyebrows knit together in worry while gritting his bottom lip between his teeth like he always did when buried in thought.

"I'm fine," Jonathan lied. Evan scoffed looking over at him with a knowing half glare before grabbing his wrist and anchoring him down like Evan knew Jonathan would run given the chance. "You don't call me at two-thirty in the morning because you're fine..." he paused for a moment, "Is it about Vegas?" he asked quietly. The question caught Jonathan off guard stopping his trains of thought in their tracks. "If you don't wanna talk, that's okay I just wanna know what's got you so worked up. I worry about you, man." Evan reminded him. (as if Jonathan could forget)

He knew it was kind of, okay completely, unfair to drag Evan out of bed for fuck all, but Jonathan knew he'd never say no. What were best friends for, right? Still, he owed him an explanation for this nightly adventure or lack thereof. "I don't know, Ev. Just feelin' too much of everything lately and I don't know how to handle it."

Evan sighed as he turned the key in the ignition, letting the air kick back on and the music once again fill the silence. Jonathan always felt too much of everything, the man was a sponge for emotions. Empathy practically seeped from his pores. Vegas proved that. 

They'd been walking a pretty fine line as of lately, hell since six months ago. It was painfully obvious there was something more, always had been, always will be. The thing about the elephant in the room, though, is that it's something neither of them wants to talk about, but they both knew they'd eventually have to.

The casual touches that made their subconscious minds scream for more, were becoming less and less "accidental". The lingering stares that made everyone in the room stop if only to give a silent moment of pity were played off piss-poorly on both of their parts. The late night drives hummed with classic rock, back roads, and disgustingly sentimental conversations. From the outside, they looked like good friends, but inside they were a breath away from imploding.

Evan had always kept his emotions in a neat little bottle, but even he was slowly, but surely, falling apart in Jonathan's capable hands. It was a quiet little secret that he let slip every now and then on accident, one that Jonathan was catching onto.

Relationships, platonic or otherwise were a difficult thing for Evan. He never maintained decent contact with those he cherished because of his own anxieties, which he knew wasn't fair, but it's what he did.

Evan had never understood love, it just seemed too complicated, too time-consuming. With Jonathan though, things were easier. With Jonathan, life almost made sense. With Jonathan, he let himself feel things he never allowed himself the pleasure of. Love was a really big word, one he wasn't so fond of, but it seemed like the only thing that fit when he looked at Jonathan.

He never understood how a person could be so enraptured by someone. He would watch all his friends get married and hear them gush or complain about their other half, it was never something Evan was jealous of.

Everything clicked at one point. Probably during one of their late-night bitching sessions where they sat sprawled on the couch watching whatever shitty movie Jonathan swore by on Netflix. Evan looked at him and realized that Jonathan's eyes aren't just blue, but a dark cerulean with a few slivers of light brown and a thin circle of gray around the pupil that webbed out into the blue. He realized that his skin, it wasn't just pale, and his hair isn't just brown either.

He had dreams sometimes, of Vegas. The different ways it could've happened. In one, Jonathan would just lay on a bed in front of him, half-naked and sprawled out comfortably while Evan peppered hot kisses to each mole, each small scar as Jonathan whined and gasped beneath him. He hadn't meant for it to happen, but it did anyway.

He found love in his best friend, he yearned for the man has for years in secret, even to himself. But he couldn't imagine loving anyone else as much as he loved Jonathan. His touch set his skin on fire. His laugh never failed to make his day. His comforting whispers cooled the inner turmoil that bubbled within him at all hours. He was just so in love, but what could he do, how could he show Jonathan that they would work even after the mess that was Vegas.

Everything had faded to white noise by this point. Jonathan and Evan had become lost in each other's eyes, the hand that was still firmly gripping Jonathan's wrist didn't show any signs of loosening as everything fell into place. The moment Evan started to lean forward, Jonathan quickly met him halfway, who gives a fuck about Vegas.

Love was a big word, for both Evan and Jonathan. But there's no other way to describe how they feel about each other, no little words that beat around to bush slowly inching to the point. Just the soft pressing of lips that left the words spilling from both their mouths.

"I love you."

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Hello again! I hope you guys like this one, and I want you all to give tusslee a big fat thank you for letting me take over one of her discontinued ideas. I had a lot of fun reworking this and giving what I can only hope a worthy ending to an amazing piece of work.