I'd be dead with out you.

chapter 28: repentance.

"Guys can we have some time alone?" I asked my voice shaky from all the crying I had been doing. They all nodded and left us alone. I laced Alan's fingers in mine and pulled him to the same bench Evan and Austin's last fight had been in. He followed without question and sat across from me, a big smile on his face.

"What?" I asked trying not to sound rude.

"Nothing i just. I can't believe it's really you. I thought..." He said.

"I know but it's really me and i'm back safe and sound," I told him while patting his hand. He was almost afraid to let go of me. Almost as if he thought i'd drift away at any moment.

"You're going to stay right?" He asked revealing how cautious he really was.

"Yes. Alan why aren't you mad? I left you with no explanation and now i just waltzed back into your life! Anyone else would have thrown me out by now," I said. He furrowed his brow and sighed.

"Angel I have just been through a month of hell knowing that you had left. I was angry the whole time. I knew you wanted to protect me but honestly i was selfish and i didn't want you to leave. At one point i was so down i drank myself into a stupor. Not only was I mad but Austin and Evan and well everyone was mad at you. I'm sure Evan is confused now I can't speak for them but  I was mad for a month but the realization of knowing you had come back to me today. Well it made me forget all the Anger and sadness. There is more to love about you than there is to dislike and that is why I am not going to throw you out or be mad," Alan said making his speech short.

"Oh Alan I love you. I really do and i'm sorry that I ever left in the first place. I guess i was just caught off guard a little by how quickly you accepted me. I know that Evan is confused and Austin probably doesn't know how to feel. I promise not to leave you guys ever again. I realized that if my past and the people from it want to hurt my friends and I bad enough it won't matter where I am and that's why I am here. Thank you for being so accepting," I said. He nodded and we sat there silently for a few minutes.

"I need to talk to Evan," I said just now realizing what a horrible friend I was being right now. I just wanted to get things with Alan squared away first. I knew she wouldn't want to just accept me back until I gained her trust back but I hoped she would at least talk to me.

"They all went back to the hotel but i can take you if you want. I think John can get us a cab," Alan said sending off a quick text before taking my hand and helping me up from the seat. "The hotel is only about ten minutes away. Don't over think this. If you are too tired or nervous to talk i'll explain," Alan said so ready to jump and take the bullet for me.

"I think this is something that I myself have to do. She deserves answers just like you did," I said looping his arm in mine as the taxi pulled up. The sun was still shining and the sky was a cloudless blue color and my stomach was churning. The scenery between the venue and the hotel was a blur and we arrived at the hotel all to fast for my liking but I didn't complain. I did grip Alan's hand tight as we got off the elevator and started walking to Evan and Austin's room.

"You sure you can do this? You look like you've seen a ghost," Alan said checking one last time.

"Yeah i'm just nervous is all," I said with my hands shaking as he knocked on the door. We heard two distinct groans and someone shuffling about the room before opening the door. I walked to the middle of the room and tried to get my thoughts in order. This was almost scarier than having to face Alan that one last time before I left a month ago. I knew they were mad and I expected it. I really just wanted to make amends though.

"Look, I'm sorry for leaving and not saying goodbye. I left you with a lot of answers and i'm here to make up for that now," i began. "I came back because i was miserable too. I left because I wanted to protect you guys from my past and getting hurt but I can't bear living without Alan in my life and without you guys too!" I said in a hurry. The room fell eerily silent but I was well aware they wouldn't be so quick to take me back into their life. The room had finally stopped spinning and I stopped shaking all together.