Criminal Minds One Shots

*Psych Eval (HotchxReader)

Warning: attempted suicide mentioned | Requested by awesomepanda373

"Hotch, do we really have to do this?"

Hotch smiles a little. "We're alone. You can call me Aaron."

You smirk back. "I know, but we're at work. I'd like to keep things professional, thank you very much."

"Fair enough. And, yes, we do have to do this. Director's orders. She's becoming concerned." You notice Hotch's brow furrow a bit as he avoids your gaze.

"Right," you reply skeptically.

"Ready? Do you like yourself?"

You hesitate. "N- no."

Hotch restrains himself from showing a reaction. "How would you rate your life on a scale of 1 to 10?"

"1," you answer with a minimal pause.

"Do you feel like you may hurt yourself or others?"

"No."

Hotch waits before going on to the next question.

You sigh. You resign yourself to answer honestly. No point in lying to an FBI profiler. "Yes," you correct, looking away.

"Have tried to hurt yourself in the past?" Hotch's voice wavers slightly as he asks, his clipboard lowering a little.

"Yes."

"How long have you been feeling this way?" By now his clipboard is on his lap. He's no longer reading his preapproved script.

"A long time."

"Can you be more specific?"

Still looking down, you think. "A few years?"

"What makes you feel this way?"

"I- I don't know."

Hotch doesn't ask another question.

"I really don't know," you insist.

Hotch takes a slow breath before asking the question he dreads the answer to. "Have you ever attempted to commit suicide?"

You close your eyes before letting out a shaky "yes. I have."

Hotch, in turn, closes his eyes.

"I- I took some sleeping pills."

"When?" he presses, letting some fear slip through his stoic face. "When?" he demands.

"Before I started here."

"What happened?"

You realize that it's Aaron talking, not Agent Hotchner, and look up. "The thoughts were too much and my roommate, Taylor, had some meds. Taylor caught me in the act."

"Why didn't I know about this?"

"I wasn't admitted so it's not on my record."

Hotch let a few tears fall. "Have you ever-" he swallowed hard. "Have you ever tried again?"

You shake your head. "Strauss wasn't the one worried, was she?"

Hotch wipes his eyes. "I didn't know how to approach you about it."

"'It' being my mental health?"

"Yes."

You stand up and pull up a chair next to Hotch. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." You lean your head on his shoulder. You feel his arm relax.

"That's nothing to be sorry about." Hotch turns to you before continuing. "I'm here to help you, okay?"

"Thank you."

"My door is alway open and," he hesitates, "Jack loves having you around if you ever don't want to spend the night alone."