Wounded

Chapter 10

"Are you trying to start a new fashion trend or something?" Luke asked me skeptically as I came downstairs with multiple bracelets around both wrists. Even I thought it was too many bracelets, but that was the consequence of cutting too much yesterday. I had cut farther down my wrists than usual, and my normal bracelets didn't completely cover the wounds.

"No, I just like bracelets." I answered, before brushing past him to walk out to Beau's car. Beau always gave Luke and I rides to school on mondays, even if he couldn't do it the rest of the week. This time, however, Luke grabbed my wrist to stop me. I winced, causing Luke to give me a confused look.

"Beau can't take us to school today. He had to leave early to work on a project." Luke explained slowly with one raised eyebrow. "Anyways, I figured we could walk together today. It's been awhile since we just really talked."

"Sure, Luke. That sounds great." I agreed, but on the inside I was screaming. I didn't want to spend anymore time than I had to with Luke. I just wanted to be left alone. If I was alone then no one could hurt me. I also definitely did not want to share anything with Luke of all people. We may have been twins, but he had never really understood me or my problems.

As Luke and I started the long 30 minute walk to school, we fell into an awkward silence. Neither of us knew what to say to the other...not that I wanted or needed to say anything to Luke. I couldn't talk to him anymore. We were just two different people now. The days where I could pour my heart out to him and expect him to understand completely were over. We weren't those bright eyed happy go lucky kids anymore. We had both changed and went in two separate directions. Nothing could ever change that.

"So...." Luke finally starts. "James tells me that you two aren't friends anymore." I froze for a second before carefully responding to what Luke had said.

"Yeah, apparently I've been moody and he just decided I wasn't worth being friends with. It's not really a big deal or anything. Life happens." I explained, faking a laugh.

"That doesn't sound right." Luke said more to himself than me. He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion before glancing up at me to continue. "You've been different lately, Jai. You never talk to me or anyone else for that matter. You're either in our room sulking or you're giving Mum a hard time and I just don't get it. This isn't you. You've always been the nicest person I knew, but now you've been downright mean to everyone around you. You've even made Beau cry a few times..."

"You just wouldn't understand Luke. We're two two different people. Stop trying to act like we're not."

"No, Jai. You're wrong. Yes, we're two different people. We're also twins, though. And as your twin I'll never judge you for anything. You have to know that. I care and seeing you go downhill like this is really hurting me. Please just let me understand!" Luke begged as he stopped walking and just stared into my eyes as if he was trying to silently tell me how much he really meant those words.

I considered it for a moment as I stopped walking as well. I desperately wanted to tell Luke what was going on. He had always been there for me when we were younger. But, I don't think I could ever tell him this. Luke would be ashamed of me for being so weak in the first place. I realized I was falling farther and farther everyday, but for now I just needed to hold on and tough it out. One day, I could look at him and tell him everything. That day, however, was not today. That day wouldn't come for a long time. I was still being bullied and until I wasn't anymore, Luke could never find out.

"I can't tell you..." I whispered, looking down to stare at my shoes. I couldn't look Luke in the eyes at this point. I was weak and I was ashamed. I don't know how I could ever possibly look him in the eye ever again. I felt tears bubble up to the surface, so I squeezed my eyes shut in attempt to keep them locked in. It was too late, though. The first tear slipped out without permission, and then more and more followed after it in a waterfall of emotion.

"Jai." I heard Luke say a split second before I was being wrapped in the comforting arms of my twin brother. It felt nice to receive the comfort I usually never received, but I knew that I didn't deserve this. No matter how much I wanted to just cry into Luke's shoulder, I knew that it was a bad idea. I had hit my breaking point, and I had hit it in front of Luke. That should have ever happened. I'm supposed to be strong. I can't let him see how weak I really am.

"Let me go, Luke!" I barely managed to get out through my harsh sobs. Luke didn't budge. If anything he just held onto me tighter and tighter. With a heavy sigh, I forcefully pushed Luke away from me and wiped my tears on my sleeve.

"Jai, what's going on? Why were you crying? Why did you push me away? Are you okay?" Luke stood from where he had fallen when I had pushed him, and started to ask me question after question.

"I'm fine, Luke. Don't worry about me. I'm just moody, remember." I faked a sarcastic smile in his direction before turning to walk away.

"Jai, we need to talk!" Luke called after me, slightly angry.

"What's that Luke? Sorry, can't hear you. Now, hurry up we're going to be late for school!" I called over my shoulder, ignoring the look of hurt, anger, and betrayal that seemed to be permanently etched into my twin's face nowadays every time he was around me.