Wounded

Chapter 18

Dinner at our grandparents was chatter-filled for everyone besides me. As I picked mindlessly at my food, I couldn't help but think about what Luke had said to me earlier. Apparently, I reminded him of Ava.

Nobody at school liked Ava. She was depressed and socially awkward. If you even tried to talk to her, she would snap at you or even punch you if she was in a bad mood. I don't think she even has any friends.

Was that how Luke saw me? If anything that made me feel even more worthless than I already did. My brother was probably ashamed of me, but it wasn't like he could just deny being related. We had the same face. It was impossible for anyone to not know we were brothers.

That made me wonder about what he had implied earlier. I was 90% sure Luke knew I self-harmed, but for some reason he didn't say anything to me about it. He knew I needed help, but left me to suffer in silence. Was I really that much of an embarrassment that he was just going to let me slowly kill myself?

I wasn't stupid. I knew what self harm was and how it could affect you. Every day my thoughts became more and more morbid. I've gone from wishing to die to thinking about all of the different ways that I could kill myself. It was only a matter of time before I acted on those thoughts.

"LukeJai, why aren't you eating you're food?" Nonno asked, drawing me away from my thoughts. I looked up to see that everyone had already finished their food, but I still had a full plate.

"Oh, I'm not feeling that well." I said. It was the truth, just not in the sense they thought I was talking about. "I think I'm going to take a walk and get some fresh air."

"Feel better." Nonna said, ruffling my hair as she picked my plate up. I nodded slowly before getting up and making my way outside.

As I stepped into the cold air, I began to wonder what I was really doing here. No one actually wanted me anymore. Maybe I should have offed myself months ago to save everyone some pain.

It had to be tonight.

I didn't know how I was going to do it, but what I did know was that I had to say goodbye to James at least. He was my best friend, so he deserved that much. I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed his number.

"What's up, Jai?" James asked cheerily as he answered his phone. I let out a sigh. This was going to be a lot harder than I originally thought. "Jai, you there?"

"Yeah."

"You okay?" James asked concerned.

"Yeah."

"Jai, you're scaring me a little." James admitted. I could hear the worry in his voice, but it just wasn't enough.

"I was just calling to say goodbye. I have to go, so you won't see me again."

"Go? Where are you going, Jai? Are you guys moving or something?" James asked in confusion. I had to smile at his naivety.

"Something like that. I just wanted to tell my best friend bye one more time."

"One more time? What's that supposed to mean, Jai?"

"Nothing." I smiled to myself. "Will you tell Beau I said I'm sorry."

I hung up before he could say anything else. It was time. I needed to figure out how I was going to do this and fast. He was most likely calling Daniel, not knowing what to make of my strange behavior. Daniel would most likely call either Beau or Luke. If he called Beau then that meant I had some extra time, but I didn't want to take that chance.

I walked into the nearest store I could find. I needed some drugs to do this with since I could never bring myself to cut deep enough. I walked over to the over-the-counter drug section and grabbed 4 bottles of Advil. Then, I walked up to the register and grabbed a couple monsters.

The cashier raised her eyebrow at me before plastering a smile onto her face. She had probably guessed what I was about to do. It wasn't her job to stop me though, so she wasn't even going to try.

I left with my bag of stuff and wandered to the park. It was late at night, so it was empty. There was no one around and that also meant that no one could stop me. I was all alone

...or so I thought.

"It's not worth it you know." I looked up and was hit by a wave of surprise and a wave of fear.

"Dylan?" I exclaimed in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from making a huge mistake. May I sit?"

"Not my bench." I mumbled, scared that Dylan of all people had found me.

"Well alright then." He sat down beside me and just sat there for a minute. "I'm sorry." He spoke up finally.

"What?" I was confused. He had put me through so much and now he was apologizing.

"I know we pretty much hate each other, but we were friends before." He trailed off.

"And your point is?" He shot me a glare, causing me to shut my mouth.

"My point is that you know about my Mom. About how she died a few years back."

"Yeah, I remember. I don't see what you're getting at though."

"Just listen, Jai." Dylan took a deep breath, almost like it pained him to speak. "She didn't just die. She overdosed in the bathtub, Jai. My Dad fought with her every day and it drove her to that point. Just like how I did the same to you, and for that I'm sorry."

"I..I..." I stuttered, not knowing what to say.

"You don't have to say anything. Just don't do anything stupid. If you died because of me, I'd never forgive myself."

"You hate me, though." I whispered.

"Yeah, but I don't want you to kill yourself because of me. I don't want to be that same monster my dad was." Dylan explained, standing up. "I'll stay away from now on, Jai. Try to do the same."