Wounded

Chapter 32

"How are we feeling today, Jaidon?" My doctor asked as he strolled into my hospital room. Isn't it obvious? I was hit by a car and almost died in the process.

"I wish that car would have killed me." I whispered under my breathe, but the doctor had heard me anyway.

"I'm writing you an Prescription for some Prozac." He explained, taking out a notepad and writing on it. "For now, we'll get a nurse to come bring you some to get you started."

"That's just perfect!" I exclaimed sarcastically. "Could my life just get any better?"

"It may seem like everything is jumping out at you, but trust me when I say that you're young. You have time to get your life back on track. You simply just need to breathe and take it one day at a time."

///

I was anxiety-ridden when I was finally released from the hospital. I didn't want to go home to brothers that were angry with me and friends that didn't care. Everything was beginning to be too much and I honestly didn't know how much more I could handle. My oldest brother was disappointed in me and my twin had given up on me completely. I would be okay, though. I'm young after all.

Yeah right.

I couldn't believe that my doctor had actually said that to me. Yes, I'm young, but that doesn't necessarily mean that my problems don't matter. They do matter. At least they matter to me. It's so hard to try to keep on living when you have the problems that I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Forcing myself out of my ensuing panic attack, I opened the door to our house. everything was perfect. Beau was teasing Luke like usual while James and Daniel laughed at his expense. They were happy and smiling brighter smiles than I had seen them smile in months. Had I caused that? Was I the reason that they never seemed to be able to relax and really enjoy life to the fullest extent? Maybe.

James was the first one to notice my presence. He made eye contact with me right away before turning and pretending that it had never happened. That hurt badly. James and I used to be best of friends, but now our relationship was reduced to this. Honesty, we weren't friends anymore. None of them were my friends anymore. I had lost that the moment I let Dylan win. I was disgusted with myself. How had I let things slip this far? For the first time, I was truly alone in this world. I didn't have Luke, who had literally been there with me from the moment we were conceived. I didn't have Beau, my over-protective big brother that was way too angry to even care at this point. I didn't have my friends who were never really my friends to begin with. I was all alone, and nothing I could ever do would change that.

I had to walk past all of them to get to the stairs and walk up to my room. Beau, however, at least acknowledged me.

"What's that in your hand, Jai?" Beau had asked. I looked down at my hand. I had actually forgotten about stopping and picking up my prescription with all of the anxiety I currently felt.

"Oh, This. My doctor started me on some Prozac. Its stupid, really." I replied with a nervous laugh.

"Oh, so taking care of yourself is apparently bad now, huh?" Luke snarked.

"Shut it, Luke! No one asked you!" I growled. Luke simply rolled his eyes at me in response.

"I wish I didn't have a stupid twin!" Luke scoffed, causing me to flinch back and even Beau's eyes to grow wide.

"Am I missing something here?" Beau asked, genuinely confused.

"Jai lied to me!"

"I had to."

"No, you really didn't."

" Yes, I did. You can't just stop self-harming because someone told you to stop, Luke. You have to give them a reason to stop. It's not easy, but I guess you wouldn't understand."

"No, I don't understand!" Luke raised his voice. "I don't understand why my twin brother decided it would be a good idea to start hurting himself instead talking to me, someone he knows would never judge him!"

"But isn't that what you're doing now?" I asked quietly. "You think I'm weak and pathetic because I can't stop and I won't stop. That's pretty judgmental if you ask me."

"Fine, but let me ask you this, did you at least try to stop?"

"I...you don't know what you're asking me to do. I need to cut and you shouldn't try to stop me." I argued. Luke stared at me in complete disbelief.

"Do you even hear yourself talking right now? Because let me tell you, you sound crazy. Who cuts themselves on purpose? That's crazy and really out there Jai. It's not good and it's a very stupid thing to do!" 

"You don't understand, Luke!" I countered.

"Then explain to me, Jai, because I got nothing!"

"It's not something I can explain. It just helps, so if something helps me, you shouldn't try to take that away from me."

"I cna't deal with you right now!" Luke growled in frustration before storming off to his room, slamming the door behind him. I just knew he wouldn't understand.