Wounded

Chapter 21

I didn't want to be alive at this point. No one cared and no one wanted to. I felt overall abandoned and betrayed. Like everything in the world was out to get me.

I was all alone and life wasn't about to get any better. Maybe I should die after all. I have nothing left to live for anyways.

I decided to sneak downstairs and get some water. I was hoping to not get caught by anyone in the process.

"So, did you ever find out what's wrong with Jai, Luke?" Beau had asked as I was about to walk through the room. I stopped completely in my tracks, suddenly interested in their conversation.

"Yeah." Luke replied, not elaborating any further.

"What's his problem then. If he told you, I definitely need to know." Beau pressed. I held my breathe as I waited for Luke to respond. He had promised not to tell, and I honestly couldn't see Luke breaking that promise.

"Oh. He's just being his usual drama queen self, Beau. Jai has always been stuck up and selfish, you know that." Luke laughed, causing my heart to drop. My twin caught me self-harming, yet he still thought I was self -absorbed. I felt tears start to make their way down my face as Beau, James, and Daniel started to agree with him.

I wiped my face off and walked past them like I hadn't heard a thing they had said. Luke instantly paled when he saw me, knowing that I had definitely heard them talking even if the other three were oblivious.

"Jai!" Luke stammered, surprised. "We were just in the middle of talking about new video ideas!" I faked a smile in his direction, causing him to cringe.

"Sounds fun!" I said cheerfully. "What have you come up with so far?"

The room was silent. By this time, I was sure that Beau had caught onto the fact that I had heard them, even if Daniel and James hadn't.

"We were thinking of doing another awkward train situations video!" Beau covered for Luke even Luke had no response.

"Oh, that sounds cool. I guess."

"Doesn't it." Luke agreed, playing with his fingers nervously.

"Yeah, well I'm going to go for a walk now." I announced.

"No you're not." Beau said sternly, stopping me. "It's too late, Jai."

"I'm pretty sure I've went out much later than this before." I argued, causing Beau to roll his eyes at me.

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure Mum grounded you for that." Beau countered. Luke looked confused.

"When did that happen?" Luke asked.

"A while back. This idiot decided he was going to take a walk in the rain after mouthing off to Mum." Beau elaborated much to my disbelief. How did he find out?

"Did Mum tell you about that?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Of course, but only after I found her crying her eyes out because you have to be so difficult!"

I took a step back in shock. I never knew I had made her cry. I immediately felt so much worse than I already did.

"I'm sorry." I whispered before taking off running to my room. I needed to cut and I needed to cut now. I grabbed the razor I kept under my mattress and ripped my shirt off. I decided cutting on my stomach would be my best bet. I went to work, tears flowing down my cheeks in the process.

"Jai, put it down." I turned to see Luke in the doorway, staring at me in horror. I dropped the blade and sunk down to the floor in shame. Luke was the last person I wanted to see me like this. Luke hit his lip before leaving the room and quickly returning with a wet washcloth, Neosporin, and some bandages.

"G'way Luke!" I mumbled out, not wanting my twin to help me. I could take care of myself and had been doing just fine on my own before Luke found out.

"Can't do that, Jai. You might get an infection if it's not cleaned properly." Luke deadpanned, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice.

"Good, maybe it will get infected and I can die and everyone will be happy. After all, then I won't be there to make your lives miserable with my selfishness!" I huffed.

"You don't mean that, Jai." Luke looked at me wide-eyed, like he couldn't believe those words had come out of my mouth.

"Trust me, Luke. I really do. I almost did it, yesterday, too." I laughed humorlessly.

"We were at Nonna and Nonno's house yesterday....or are you talking about when I found you with your wrists all..." Luke trailed off. I shook my head no, causing him to look even more confused.

"When I went on my walk yesterday, I bought some stuff that probably would've done the job, but someone found me. They stopped me from doing it, and at first I was thankful for that. But now I'm not so sure." I admitted.

"Stop talking, Jai, and let me help you." Luke commanded, and from the way he was gritting his teeth, I knew he was trying not to cry. I decided to give in. I sat back and Luke set to work on disinfecting my cuts and bandaging them.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Jai." Luke sighed. I raised an eyebrow at him. Luke doesn't really care about me. I'm just his twin brother, so he feels obligated to care. I didn't want that fake love. Not anymore. It hurts too much to care so much for the different people in your life, only for them to not care at all. I was sick of caring. I was sick of getting beaten down by the people I loved. It hurt, and honestly I don't think I can handle much more before I just snap altogether.

After all, I'm the problem, because what else could be.

Just let me know if I need to tone down the angst. I'm in a really dark place mentally right now, and a lot of times that reflects in my writing. So, anyways, make sure you comment and let me know your thoughts.