Wounded

Chapter 16

A//N: this chapter is probably more triggering than any of the others. I also wanted to make clear that I'm not romanticizing self-harm. This is from Jai's point of view. If you do self harm and are able to get help, please do so.

I stormed to my room in a rush of different emotions. Honestly, I had no idea how to feel. Luke, my own twin brother, didn't want me around anymore. He had seemed disappointed about the fact that I was actually home. I didn't know how to feel about that.

I needed to cut again. It wasn't like Luke was going to come in anytime soon, so I figured I was safe to cut.

I fished my sharpest blade from under my mattress and stared at it in all its beauty. This was all I needed now. My secret best friend. This blade would never betray me like so many people already had.

It's silver edge looked sharp to the touch, and from prior experience I knew just how true that was. It was funny how such a little object could do so much damage. It was damage I needed, though. I deserved this pain and so much more.

I set to work immediately, pressing the sharp, silver blade into my soft flesh. It looked so out of place against my arm, but I knew inside that this was only right. I was a failure and failures deserve to be punished.

I pressed the blade harshly into my skin and dragged it across the fragile surface. Almost immediately, blood started to bead up to the surface and I couldn't help but to admire the contrast between my pale flesh and the dark red blood. I needed more. I hacked away at my flesh before realizing that I needed to do something else.

I needed to demolish the skin on my thighs, as well.

I'm starting to think I'm pretty messed up.

///
I left my room a few hours later in search of some dinner. I wasn't prepared for the wave of hurt that overcame me as soon as I made eye contact with Luke.

"Oh Jai, you're out of your room!" My mother noted happily. I made eye contact with Luke. He didn't want or need me anymore.

"Mum, I...I want to stay with Nonna and Nonno for awhile."

"You mean for the weekend?" She asked, shooting me a look.

"No, I mean maybe a few weeks, maybe a few months." I elaborated. I looked up at her with hopeful puppy dog eyes, but as luck would have it, she did not seem too happy with my idea.

"Is my house suddenly not good enough for You? Or do you think it's a good idea to harass your grandparents and send them into heart failure?" She insinuated, shooting me dirty glares.

"I don't meant it like that! I swear!"

"I think he does. He suddenly thinks he's too good for our family."
Luke piped up. "And I did hear a nasty little rumour about him doing drugs."

My Mum gasped.

"It's not true!" I blurted out. "Dylan hates me so he made that up. You know I would never do something like that."

My Mum stared at me hard before her expression finally softened.

"You can stay the weekend with them, but that's it. You have school that you can't miss."

"Can I go, too." Luke piped up. " I've been having nightmares lately and I don't think I can sleep without my Jai Jai!" He was lying, but Mum just cooed at how adorable Luke was like usual.

"Of course, Luke. You two are twins after all!"

Luke smirked at me when she wasn't looking.

///

"I don't know what you're up to, Jai Brooks, but mark my words, I will find out!" Luke promised as we were packing our stuff to go to our grandparents house.

"I could tell you the same thing!" I scoffed. Luke was such a hypocrite. He would lie and cheat and hide things as long as he benefited in the end. That was hardly what I was doing. I just wanted to get away for the weekend without anyone hurting me. I had been hurt enough already. I didn't need anything added to that.

"Really, because I'm actually the nice twin right now. You've been nothing but stuck up and obnoxious lately. You're just so selfish Jai. I get sick of it. Not everything revolves around you." Luke punctuated his hurtful statement with an eye roll.

"You think I'm trying to hurt you, Luke?" I asked incredulously. " I've been trying to stay out of the way, so which one of us is really the selfish one?"

"Whatever, Jai. You don't fool me." Luke laughed.