Wounded

Chapter 7

I don't know why I was suddenly afraid of Beau, but I did know that I didn't like it. Beau was an awesome older brother. Even though he annoyed me 80% of the time, he still cared. If either Luke or I were upset or hurt, he would always come to our rescue. (A/N: go look up a night with the brooks brothers on YouTube. Beau is really caring to Jai in it. It will definitely melt your heart!)

I knew that Beau would never dream of hurting me, so I didn't understand why I flinched away from him. It probably had something to do with the person I was becoming. I could slowly feel myself changing into a shell of what I used to be and I hated it. I couldn't talk to anyone anymore, though. It was too late for that.

I felt Luke staring at me as I thought about everything that was wrong with my life. I turned my head and saw that I was right. Luke was staring at me. He was biting his lip, almost as if he was fighting to say something to me.

"You're not okay are you, Jai?" Luke asked. I made eye contact with him for a moment before looking down at my lap and playing with my fingers.

"I'm fine, Luke!" I scoffed. "You just worry too much!"

"Ok! You don't have to get so defensive!" Luke teased me lightly.

I ignored him. On the inside, I wanted to tell him everything. I knew I couldn't do that, though. Luke would only be ashamed of me if he knew how weak I truly was. I couldn't let Luke, or anyone else, find out about Dylan.

If they found out that I was being bullied on a regular basis, they would be so ashamed of me. It wasn't my fault though. I was just too shy to say or do anything at all. Luke was the twin that spoke his mind, not me.
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"Jai...you're crying..." Luke's voice broke me from my thoughts. I lifted my hand to my face and was surprised to find fresh tears there. I hadn't even realized I had started crying.

"I don't feel good, Luke." I replied, trying to excuse my strange behavior. He gave me a small sympathetic smile and hugged me tighter.

"Do you want to go lie down for a bit?" Luke suggested. "Maybe if you get some rest you'll feel better."

I nodded slowly before getting up and hurriedly getting into my bed. Luke was tired of me already and the day had only just started. I had made Luke angry too many times, so now I knew when he just wanted me to get away from him.

That was my problem with most people. I was annoying and couldn't figure out how to stop irritating people. I knew, though, that I ended up making a lot of people angry with me by just being myself. I wasn't trying to do that. It just happened.

I shot up from bed in frustration and locked the door in case Luke came up to check on me or to get something from our room. Rolling up my sleeve, I stared at the tiny scar I had made last night. I wanted to make more.

I retrieved a blade from where I had stashed a couple underneath my mattress. I quickly used it to slash away at my wrist and even added a few cuts along my hips.

There was now a red liquid seeping down my arm. I smiled at it slightly before grabbing an older shirt and holding against my fresh wounds. This was yet another thing I couldn't tell even Luke.

At one point, I might have ran to Beau. I couldn't do that now, though. I had shattered our relationship and now Beau didn't love me anymore. I had more than ruined that. He hated me and it was all my fault.

I ruined everything. That's why I never told my one about the bullying. I deserved every punch, kick, and hateful comment. Most of my friends had left me when Dylan started to hate me, and honestly that was probably my fault too. I caused everyone to hate me and I had no one to blame but myself.