Wounded

Chapter 13

Have you ever felt so lost that you don't know if it's even possible to be found again? That's how I felt right now. I was currently in my room listening to Luke and Daniel play FIFA in the lounge room. It sounded like they were having a lot of fun, and I sort of wanted to join them. I couldn't though. I wasn't invited, and Luke was too mad at me right now.

As soon as Luke walked in the door, he was shooting daggers at me. I never thought it was possible, but somehow I had made my own twin hate me. How does that even happen? Luke and I were supposed to be a package deal from the start. We were supposed to always be there for each other no matter what happened, but somehow that just didn't happen. We had went in two separate directions and seemingly drifted apart overnight.

It wasn't Luke's fault, though. I was solely the one to blame. I had pushed him away when I needed him the most and now it was too late. I had lost my twin brother. Just like how I had lost my oldest brother as well.

I had hurt Beau more than I could possibly imagine, and I honestly never even meant to do it. I was just scared. And angry. I was scared and angry and I took it out on him when he honestly never even deserved that. He did so much and that how I chose to repay him.

-

"Beau, can I talk to you?" I asked him as I followed him to his room after dinner. He glanced at me and my face dropped as I saw that huge 'No' on his face before he even said anything.

"I don't know, Jai..." Beau sighed. "I don't think that the best idea due to...recent events. How about I take a reign check on that for next time?" My face fell even farther with those words. Beau didn't even want to talk to me anymore. I had hurt him so bad that he hated me now, and honestly I couldn't even blame him.

"Oh...sure thing, Beau. I understand." I tried to keep the disappointment out of my tone as I played astound with the many bracelets covering my wrists. Beau narrowed his eyes at the movement and I felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest in response.

"Jai, is there something important that you need to tell me?" Beau asked, trying to send me a message with his eyes. I held eye contact for a split second before diverting my eyes to stare at my shoes.

"No. It can wait. Sorry for bothering you!" I Quickly apologized before Beau could ask too many questions.

"Wait, Jai!" Beau raised his voice and successfully stopped me from leaving. "I noticed you're wearing a lot of bracelets. Is there any particular reason for that?"

"No," I gulped nervously. "I just really like them. Is that weird?" Inside I was screaming. I figured that if I covered my scars with bracelets then no one would actually notice them. Yet, here I was. Beau was suspicious.

"No, that's fine. It's just those are a lot of bracelets." Beau explained before letting out a sigh. "You do know that if you ever need to tell me anything, anything at all, I'll never judge you for it, right Jai?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Jai, I just want you to know I mean that. You can tell me anything."

"I'll keep that in mind." I shot Beau a smile before looking away. "Thanks, Beau."

As I walked away, I couldn't help but think about how bad things were getting. Luke practically hated me right now and Beau was suspicious. I don't even remember the last time my Mum actually looked at me with love in her eyes. My family was falling apart and it was all my fault. I felt tears start to roll down my face as I made my way into my room.

-

I woke up on the couch with a start. That's funny I don't remember falling asleep on the couch. I quickly sat up, only to fall back down. I got up again and headed to my room where I should have been.

I had a weird feeling of dread after the first few steps. It was weird, but I almost felt like I was in a daze.

When I reached my room I was surprised to find Luke standing in the middle of it. He turned to me as I walked in and the state he was in honestly scared me. His eyes looked soulless, almost like they were lost and unfocused. He was standing in a way that seemed very intimidating and made me want to leave the room immediately. It was his right hand, though, that truly caught me off-guard. He was clenching it so tightly that blood was dripping onto the floor.

"When were you going to tell me?" I gasped in shock as Luke was suddenly in front of me. I tried to speak, but no words would come out. Luke brought his hand up until it was eye level with me and then he slowly opened his palm. My face paled as I saw what he was holding. It was the blade that I had used so many times to hack open my own wrists. "ANSWER ME JAI?!"

-

"AHHHH!!!" I woke up on my bed with a loud scream. Immediately, tears started to flow down my face as I tried to repeatedly convince myself that it wasn't real. After a few moments, I was able to calm down. The dream had just seemed so real. The scary part was that could actually happen. It could happen any day now. At this point it was just a waiting game that I didn't want to see end.

With that thought in mind, I retrieved that very blade and hacked away all of the pain from my wrists and thighs. Eventually, the pain turned into a feeling of numbness and I became more lost than ever before.