Wounded

Chapter 27

America was beautiful. It was everything I had imagined and more. It felt so free to get away from Australia and all of the people that had hurt me there. Don't get me wrong. I loved Australia. It was my home, after all. I just needed a change. I was spiraling downwards toward destruction at such a fast pace and it needed to slow down.

Mum didn't bother to say goodbye to me. She could barely even look at me when she left. Of course, she had special goodbyes for Beau and Luke, but she barely even spared me a glance. She barely even hugged me. I even felt a pang of jealousy when she wouldn't let go of Luke so he could get on the plane. It was a little better with Beau, just a long, tight hug. I didn't get either of those. If anything it made me happier to leave. After all, why would I want to stay with someone who doesn't want me?

"Jai Jai?" Beau questioned happily from my doorway, before closing the door and sitting on my bed. "Jai, what's wrong? Are you feeling homesick already?"

"I'm fine, Beau. Really." I sighed. "I'm just tired. You know jet lag and all."

"That's true, but we got here yesterday morning and it's almost 2pm now. You need to get out of bed and get some fresh air." Beau ordered, with a small grin.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes you do!" Beau laughed, "Daniel, James, and I are going to stock up on stuff for the house so it's just going to be Luke and you here. Try to at least let him know you're alive at some point." I stiffened at his words, causing him to give me a weird look.

"Why isn't Luke going?" I asked, confused.

"He's worried about you. Honestly, we all are. It's okay, though. Just try to get up and feel better soon. I love you, Jai." Beau laughed. I felt like I had been hit by a ton of bricks. Usually when someone in my family told me they loved me, they were only teasing me. No one really went out of their way to tell me.

"Thanks, Beau. I love you, too. Even when it doesn't seem like it." I mumbled, staring down at my hands.

"Don't start getting sentimental on me, Jai. It's disgusting." Beau laughed, teasing me. I had to fake a smile back at him. Of course, he had to ruin the first good moment we've had in years, just like that.

"Get out of my room already!" I huffed. "Just let Luke know I'll be down in a minute."

Beau saluted me as he left my room, and I couldn't help but feel even sadder than before he came into my room.

I needed to cut again.

I had somehow managed to convince Luke that I had stopped, so he wasn't constantly watching me like a hawk anymore. That was perfect in my opinion. Then, I could cut as much as I wanted and no one could stop me.

I had so many scars in my collection, and sometimes I liked to think that each of them had their own story to tell. Each of them told different stories, but held the same concept. They were all from times where I was forced to be strong, but couldn't quite make it. Instead, I stole comfort the only way I knew how. I stole it in the form of a blade.

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I felt my arms throb as I ran down the stairs to get some water and see Luke in the process. Beau said I had to let Luke know I was alive. He didn't say I needed to tell him how little that actually was.

"Hey Luke!" I greeted my twin loudly as I flopped down on the couch next to him. He raised an eyebrow at my suddenly cheerful nature.

"What's the sudden excitement about?" Luke smirked, closing his laptop and turning to look at me.

"Why not? It's a new country. A new life. There's so much America has to offer us!" I explained, lacing my words with heavy sarcasm. Luke looked at me like I had grown a new head, the sarcasm going right over his head.

"Who are you and what have you down with my twin brother?" Luke asked, wide-eyed. "Neither of us have ever been that optimistic about anything."

"I'm joking Luke, relax." I laughed. "Beau just wanted me to make sure you knew I was alive."

"Why wouldn't you be?" Luke asked, rhetorically. "Anyways, Mum wants us to FaceTime her later today."

"Why?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "Didn't she say all she needed to say at the airport?"

"Jai, don't be like that." Luke sighed.

I scoffed in return. Luke didn't understand and he honestly never would. Mum didn't love me and I don't think she ever will. I didn't even get a goodbye. Just a quick hug. If that didn't tell me something, then I didn't know what would. The sad part of it was that  I didn't even know why. Why couldn't she just suck it up and make me feel loved just one time? I just wanted somebody to act like they cared and mean it. It was bad enough that I had gotten severely bullied at school without anyone noticing. That I could live with. But I'm not sure if I could live with my mother not loving me.

Luke was the twin everyone loved, my mother included. There was no possible way for him to feel the pain I felt deep inside. It was already too late for my cracks to be mended. Not that anyone would even care enough about me to even try.

I was hopeless, and pretty soon I was going to drown completely.