The Elusive Heart of Nova Hart ✔

41// i want her

I WANT HER

    Monica was aware that Graham was fidgeting, his eyes sweeping over her kitchen, only confirming her suspicions that something was up.

    She'd figured as much when he'd turned up unannounced on her doorstep.

    "Graham," she frowned, slightly worried now, "what is it?"

    "What is what?" He asked, widening those perfect eyes.

    Monica shot him an are-you-serious look. "Cough it up, go on now."

    His shoulders slumped, and he sagged in the chair in defeat, fingers drumming nervously on the countertop. "We went to this ice cream place two days back," he started. "Ty, and Declan, and Addy and... Well, Nova."

    His fidgeting increased.

    "Alright?" She coaxed, treating him like a kid who didn't know how to say what he wanted.

    "And I was, um, trying to decide what flavour I wanted, you know... So I kind of placed my hands on her shoulders — it was just a casual touch, really. But it... I didn't... It wasn't supposed to feel... Ugh, I don't know!"

    Monica waited, allowing him time to gather his words.

    "I felt funny when I touched her," he said quietly. "She wasn't even wearing anything sleeveless — my hands were literally on clothe and not skin... But it still felt like, like..."

    "Like butterflies in your stomach?" Monica offered, barely containing her grin.

    Graham glared at her, jaw clenching. "Don't put it like that," he muttered grudgingly. "I just... It suddenly feels like I want more, I don't know."

    Monica frowned. "I don't think Nova does the whole no-strings-attached thing, Graham."

    He rubbed a frustrated hand down his face. "That's the thing," he emphasised, his tone sounding helpless all of a sudden. "I don't want more in the physical sense of the way... I want — I want... I want to throw her stupid phone away when that stupid ass sends her emails. I want to listen to her sing Dancing Queen and watch her dance around to it like the biggest dork on this planet. I want to ask her why she chose biscotti over cookie dough, or — or why she chose yellow irises over red roses. I want to ask her why badminton and not netball or cheerleading. I just. I want... I want her. Her mind. Her thoughts... Screw it, I don't know what the heck I'm saying anymore."

    Describing Monica's state of mind as stunned would be an understatement. The girl was at a loss — at an utter loss — for words.

    "Quit your staring," he snapped, squirming under her baffled look.

    "Y-you," she spluttered, choking on her own spit, "Nova... You... What?"

    He looked thoroughly unimpressed by her reaction, or rather, the lack of one.

    "Wait..." She scrunched her nose, "why come to me with this? Wouldn't you tell Ty instead?"

    Graham sighed, his eyes sweeping over her kitchen again before landing on her. "Because it doesn't feel right anymore to continue our deal," he said softly, his eyes warm and kind.

    Monica smiled in return, touched by his considerate nature. "Mind explaining why?"

    "Because it's going to grow," he replied, "whatever this is that I feel for her, its not stopping anytime soon. She's exactly someone I can see myself falling for. And each time you and I are together, I'm going to start wishing it was her with me. I'll be wondering what her skin would feel like instead of yours... And I don't want to do that to you. To use you that way."

    Monica thought she was going to cry. She'd had casual flings before, but she didn't think any of the previous boys had showed even half the respect towards her that Graham was showing right now.

    She understood what he was saying though; they'd been with each other because they'd enjoyed it, never because they used one another as a means of escape.

    "Its okay, Graham," she said earnestly. "You could've just called the arrangement off, you know. I wasn't owed an explanation."

    "No you weren't," he agreed, "but I did it out of courtesy. I don't know, it just felt like the right thing to do."

    He rose out of the chair, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly now that he finally registered how much he'd said regarding his feelings for Nova.

    "Don't worry," Monica winked, "your secret is safe with me."

    He chuckled, shaking his head. "Thanks, Mona."

    "Don't thank me; you planning on telling her anytime soon?"

    His smile fell. "I'm not that guy, Mona. The one with the witty remarks and cheesy pickup lines and short little poems that make her giggle and blush." He smiled again, but it looked sad somehow. "And now she's found that guy — the one she's always dreamt of finding. She's already happy, just not with me."

    Monica felt her gut pang in sympathy as he turned around and walked away, her heart breaking for him as the door closed softly behind him.

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Reading comments on the previous chapter has made me realise that some of you are really hoping for certain outcomes and as much as i can be masochistic, i also feel sorta, kinda guilty. Just pls remember that I've COMPLETED writing this book and the ending has always been clear to me, before i even started writing this story! :) I've only ever seen this story ending one way, guys :')

So if you're  not satisfied with the ending, i hope there were at least moments that made you feel otherwise <3