Amnesia

Chapter 45

Aurora's POV

My head was still spinning and I couldn't feel anything surrounds me. Then I felt a subtle touch on my left arm, I looked up to find my mom were looking at me with her concern eyes. 

"Hun? Are you not well?" there was curiosity in her tone but she managed to showed off a weak smile.

"I think," I was going to say more but I felt the energy in the room has shifted and the pressure was too much so instead of coming out with the truth, I simply masked my sentence with "I'm actually fine."

There were still glances from my brother to my mother and vice versa, but the attention on me has been lifted. I breathed, it doesn't feel that heavy anymore. I stopped resting on the couch and announced to my mom that I was going to take a nap in my room. Gently told her to wake me up after everything is ready. My footsteps were heavy but my thoughts were heavier. Everything still doesn't make any sense and for me to still live in this uncertainty kills me in every way possible. Dramatic, I know. The hallway of the second floor has dimmed out and after turning on the light, I peeked through my younger sister's room. She looked up and smiled, so I went inside without asking.

The door was opened wide anyway. There's nothing to hide. She was doing some works or watching YouTube videos on her laptop. Her sweatshirt fits her tiny body and she had this oversize pants to pair it up with. Both in dark grey tone in which I just noticed how perfect that colour was on her. Her eyes lightened up when I took a seat on her bed and she started with a simple "hey," while re-organising her stuffs on the bed. Mostly her stuffed pillows/animals.

"What were you up to?" I peered through her screen and she just chuckled.

"YouTube, nothing much."

"How are you?"

"Fine? I guess,"

"I see."

There was dead silence and I was going to comment something about the environment of her room but she cut me even before I draw a breath.

"I'm sorry that we're not that close before you had the accident and I'm still trying to adjust with your presence right now but I was too caught up with stuffs and I don't know how to start the first step in, you know, getting to know you." In one breath, she managed to rap those words. I blinked twice and made a small laugh before she tilted her head and probably realized how fast she talked.

"Sorry." she muttered between laughs.

"Nah, you're good," I licked my lips before gaining my confidence to ask: "May I ask you something?"

"Shoot." Her eyes are back on her laptop screen, probably closing all the tabs.

"Why aren't we close? We're sisters and I feel like I spent as much time as you did in home. Why aren't we close then?" I stared at her and she drew out a sigh.

"I don't really know, really, I swear. You were in your room and I'm here and taking my lessons online and face to face. Sometimes, I'll even stay outside more time than I should've and we were never talking. I don't understand it either and regretted every moment of it but mom said we can make it right this time. Like real tight bond between sisters and stuffs." She wasn't looking at her screen anymore, she was looking into my eyes. Like she's searching for that glint of hope that are burning in her eyes. 

Switched my positions, I sat cross-legged with my feet dangled out her bed and my back against her. She peeked and did the same thing so now we're sitting close, her left shoulder met my right arm. "Can we do this right, though?" The questions from her lingered in the air and I made no effort to answer her.

Of course I want it to be good with her and threw whatever happened in the past out of the window, but there's so much to unravel here and there. No one gave me specific answer and I kept on getting hung at my own questions.

It was awkward, though, hanging out in this room where her fairy light flicker through some kinds of leafy decorations on her wall. It looked messy but I am no interior design to comment about it. There's strange vibe in here as well, like someone will knock open the door to this room even though it's already opened. It didn't feel like this when I enter this room but now I just felt suffocated, like I was drowning with oxygen.

I got up and mom yelled that food is ready so I asked her to go down together with me and she was more than glad to take that offer. The light in her eyes are back and now she's practically hopping downstairs with me. I was going with the moment as well, jumped the last two stairs and had probably the warmest dinner in my life.

The warmest that I can remember.

Dinner was amazing and all of us had a little chat about our future vacations. Dad suggested to go to France and everyone was giddy about it. I didn't say much about our previous trips, scared that I'll make the entire conversation dies out. We were talking and I wasn't thinking. No questions out from my mouth, no spare glances from my family members, no worried faces. Just warm conversations. I was very comfortable in my positions on the couch and had my sister on my chest while mom was beside me, making sure I was comfortable enough. 

Everything depicted perfectly that my heart started to beat loudly. Like there was some sort of burst of energy given to me and I made few jokes and the whole room was shook with laughter. It was light and heavy at the same time and my cheeks hurt after all the laughs. It was giddy and I can feel my stomach twisted like some kind of good nervous, like excited that something finally setting out good for me. No idea why I thought that way but it crossed my mind.

No wonder they were so worried for me and sad that I had my accident. I took away the good memories that they built with time for me. I didn't register anything for me to hold on to, I don't remember anything.

That feeling and thought haunted me for the rest of conversations but i still hear them talking about France. 

I'll make it right with my family this time. I will remember.

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I don't even know where to begin but if you just start this book or idk got to this part just know that it literally has been years since i update this book lmao. We'll see if i can finish it :)