Love or Fame?

For Good?

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As I watched her walk away, it was like she took my heart with her. I love that girl with all my heart and I just keep hurting her. Why? What the hell is wrong with me? How am I gonna fix this one? Will she forgive me? What do I do? "Nigga, tf you standing there for?! Go get ya girl," Spin said. He stood up, picked up the ring, and gave it to me. "Here," he said. "Go talk to her & put this back on her. You got a loyal girl and you need to keep her and treat her right. I love her like a sister and I hate to see her like this. & I love you like a brother, so I gotta keep it real with you. You can be an ass to her. Fix that," he ordered. "I love y'all man. I hate to see y'all fight. You better go fix this and make sure you wife her up," he said with a chuckle. "My neice or nephew don't need this stress. Neither does she. She's been through enough. Now imma leave y'all to handle this. I'll talk to you later," he said. "Thanks man," I said as he walked off. "Anytime bruh," he replied. He shut the door after stepping out and I stood there staring at the ring I put on Lexi. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't wanna lose her. I've loved that baby since we found out she's pregnant and now it might not even be mine. I wanna be a part of his or her life, but if it's not mine, I don't know what I'd do. I don't think I can raise another dude's child, unless Chris doesn't want it. That's a different story. What do I do? I sat down and covered my face in my hands just thinking. Nothing I do or say can make anything better. I said some stuff that I shouldn't have said and I hate myself for that. I hate myself for calling her the things I called her. She was raped. I didn't listen.

As I sat there thinking about what I can do, I heard Lexi coming downstairs. She looked over to the couch she and Spin were sitting, then looked at me. "Spin left," she asked. I was surprised she was even talking to me. "You wanna speak, or nah," she said. "Oh, uhh, yeah. Yeah, he left," I said. She nodded then walked away. She walked into the kitchen, then walked back out with a water bottle. She was heading back upstairs. "Can we talk," I asked. She kept walking. "Lexi." "There's nothing to talk about, Daniel," she said. "Please," I pleaded. She just ignored me. Wow. I looked @ the ring once again. I need to fight for her. She's too important to me to lose her. I got up, ran upstairs and as she was closing the door, I made my way through and walked in the bedroom. "We need to talk about this," I said. She rolled her eyes, walked away, & sat on the bed. "What else do you have to say," she asked. "You didn't get it all out? You still need to insult me, Daniel?" I walked over to the bed and sat beside her. *he sighs* "I should've listened to you," I said. "No shit," she mumbled. "You can't blame me for thinking that you slept with someone else Lexi. I mean you did, but-" "I WAS RAPED DIGGY," she yelled. "I understand that, Lexi. I-" "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TRUST ME! LISTEN TO ME!" She was now standing and crying a little. "INSTEAD YOU CALL ME A THOT?! AND ON TOP OF THAT, YOU BRING UP THE GIRL THAT TRIED TO KILL ME! SAYING YOU WISH YOU HAD SOME OF THAT. REALLY DIGGY?! REALLY?! That's low...even for you," she said. "Even for me? What's that sup-" "but don't worry. I won't get in your way. You won't be living with a thot," she said with air quotations. "Anymore," she continued. "I'm moving out. I'm moving back in my other house." "You're- you're what?! No you're not! You're not goin anywhere," I said. "Be happy. You can have Logan. I mean, she's who you really want right?" "No! Baby, I don't want Logan. I want you. Just you. I was upset and -" "that is no excuse! Diggy, you do not trust me. I'm tired of you always suspecting something's going on behind your back. Diggy, I love you. I love you soo much. I don't think you understand how much I love you. I would never hurt you. No matter how much you've hurt me, I let that go. I forgave you. You were supposed to trust me Diggy but instead you laughed at me," she said. She wiped her tears and continued. "I'm your- I was your fiancé &-" "hold up! Was?! What you mean was?!" "Oh, I'm sorry. Was me taking the ring off and putting it down not a good enough hint for you, Diggy? I told you, I'm done. I'm done going through this cycle with you," she said. "I can't keep putting myself through all this stress." She's right. I put her through too much. But aren't we worth trying? "So, are you trying to say that we're not worth fighting for," I asked. *she sighs* "Diggy, I've been fighting for us. It feels like I've been doing all this in vain. I'm tired of fighting with you over some dumb shit like this. I know every relationship has their ups and downs, but like I said earlier, we have more downs than ups. I can't keep going through this and I'm not putting my baby through this stress too," she said. I wiped the teardrop that ran down my face and looked at the ring again. "I can't lose you," I said barley above a whisper, "not again." "You wouldn't lose me if you weren't being such an ass," she said. "I already started packing so imma just get back to doing that. Are we done here," she asked. I looked up @ her, then looked around the room. I didn't notice until now, but there was a suitcase in the walk in closet. She's serious about moving out. I don't even know what to do. Nothing I say or do is gonna stop her from leaving. But I have to try. I got up and rushed over to her. "No, baby please don't do this. Please don't go," I pleaded. We were both crying at this point. I cuffed her face in my hands and she pulled my hands away and walked off. She was now in the closet continuing to pack. "Baby," I said walking over to her. "Stop. Please," I begged as I kneeled beside her and shut the suitcase. "I love you too much and you're too important for me to justly you go. Lexi, I'm scared of losing you. I can't just let you walk out of my life forever. That's not gonna happen," I said. "Well if this baby's yours Diggy, then you really can't be out of my life. You can have visitation rights and you can be in the room when I'm giving birth to our- my baby, if you want. But I'm done this time Diggy. Nothing's the same. We both know that. I - I don't wanna be with you anymore," she said. When she said that, my heart just shattered. I had no words. More tears rushed down our faces and we remained silent. "I'm sorry," she said before getting up and rushing out. She ran downstairs and I heard the door downstairs open, then shut. I sat there in shock. I lost her. I can't believe I lost her. Did I really just lose my reason for living? For good?

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