Sophia Mendes-Secrets

Another Promise, Another Secret

My eyes open and I turn my head slightly. I get out of my bunk and make my way to the kitchen. I pass Aaron and he doesn't even look at me. As soon as I get into the kitchen the boys look at me then glance away. Hayes gets up and walks around the table and back to where the bunks are. I grab a banana and walk out because the awkward silence made me feel very uncomfortable. I eat my banana slowly and sit on my bunk. The boys don't even look at me. The won't talk to me. They are disgusted and don't want to be around someone like me. I grab leggings and a sweatshirt. Basically the only outfit I've been wearing recently. I run into the bathroom and turn on the shower so the no one will suspect anything. Not that they would really care anyways. I set my clothes on the counter and go searching through the cabinet. I found it. A razor.... I break it apart and take out the blades. I'll save the others for latter, but I only need one for now. I roll up my sleeves and look at the old scars I made. I take the blade and drag it along my skin. I kept making more and more, not knowing when to stop. I couldn't stop. It was an urge I had been holding in and now I'm releasing it all at once. I cut both my arms, all the way up and down. Tears are running down my face. The blade finally drops and it lands with a light ping on the tile floor. I look at the mess I recreated. I made a promise not to do this, to talk to them instead. But it was just another promise I couldn't keep. Another secret I'm going to have to hold in. Blood is all over the tile. I undress and wash my arms under the showers head until the bleeding stopped then I cleaned the floor. No one would be able to tell there was blood there. I got dressed in my new clothes and wiped away my tears. I turn the shower off and wait a minute before waiting to leave the bathroom. When I did, I pushed my clothes into my suitcase and hid in my bunk. I sat there for an hour thinking. I need to get out of this. I messed up the boy's lives, my life, I'm going to have a baby from a rapist. I can't do it. I need out of this. I need to end this. Tonight....I'm going to end it, while everyone's asleep and peaceful, I'll go in peace too.