Sophia Mendes-Secrets

Failed

The time has come. It's 1am and all the boys are asleep. I quietly get out of my bunk and walk into the kitchen. I go through all the cabinets and drawers. I get any pills that I can. Pain pills, the medicine I took when I was sick, just anything I could find. I finally collected enough to complete the job. I crept into the bathroom and locked the door. I didn't want to run the shower to cover my cries because it would wake up the boys. I sit there for a while. I grab my blade and cut over and over. I need one last release before I go. I didn't even notice until I looked down that I was crying. My tear drops scattered all over the tile. I unscrew the tops to all the pill bottles and pour them onto the counter. I have a few in my hands before I get interrupted by a booming knock on the door.

"Sophia? Are you in there?" Jack G asks.

"Yeah, umm, I'll be out soon." I quickly answer.

"Are you crying? Are you okay? Sophia let me in, now!" Jack demands jiggling the locked door knob.

"Sophia, unlock the door and let me in!" Jack yells probably waking everyone else up.

"I'm really, really sorry." I say.

I take the few pills in my hands and shove them in my mouth. I am about to swallow them and take some more when the door swings open. Jack is there with a bobby pin. He looks at me, then my arms, and then the pills and he knows what I was trying to do. He notices the pills in my mouth and tackles me to the ground. He forces my mouth open and all the pills fall out and onto the floor. I am now sobbing and sit up and pulls me into his lap, holding me. I see the legs of the rest of the boys so I know they're there too. Shawn comes down in front of me and presses a towel to my arm to stop the bleeding. He takes his free hand the play with my hair slowing calming me down. Nash takes the pills from the floor and counter and flushes them down the toilet. He aso flushes my blade on the floor.

"Do you have anymore blades?" Shawn asks.

I shake my head no.

"Sophia..." Jack G says turning my head so I'm looking at him.

I point to the cabinet, and Shawn looks in there and pulls out my other 2 blades and flushes them. He then wraps my cuts in bandages and notices my ones from earlier.

"You're sleeping with me the rest of the night, don't even try to fight me on it." Shawn says.

I just nod. I failed. It was so easy, but I couldn't even do that. Shawn picked me up and put me in his bunk in between him and the wall so I couldn't get out. He held me so tight.

"We love you baby, please don't do that. We may be disappointed in you and upset with you right now, but we will always be here for you. Just go to sleep and we will all talk about it in the morning." Shawn whispers in my ear.

How am I going to explain this? I don't know if I can keep lying. But I have to keep my secret a secret. 

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Don't worry guys she's not dead. Things are going to start getting better! :) BTW I just saw The Book of Henry and I have never hated and loved one movie so much. I recommend y'all see it at some point if you can. ps. I cried so prepare for tears.