The Hole Within

CHAPTER 34

About a month later I was called to meet with the hospital administrators. Having no idea what this was about, I was feeling anxious about going. Laminate floor gave way to a richly carpeted hallway as I was escorted to the administration offices. I entered a room where a group of men in suits waited. The spokesperson told me that he was the hospital attorney. He went on to express the sorrow of the hospital's staff that the molestation occurred while I was inpatient. "We want to offer you some compensation," he explained. He presented me with a check for ten thousand dollars. I had been getting three hundred dollars a month on SSD so this seemed like a large amount of money to me, however, I realized my position and tried to play for more. The attorney told me that the rest of the girls all received the same amount with gratitude. That I could hire my own lawyer and go through a lengthy trial and end up with nothing. I vacillated, somehow knowing that this was a payoff against a potentially larger suit. But I was not mentally equipped to handle the pressure they applied. 

I did manage to have them commit to waive the huge hospital bill from leaving AMA. I had to sign a contract stating that I released them from further obligation and swearing to keep the matter confidential. I reluctantly did so and left with the check in hand. Somehow it did not seem right. I always thought of it as "blood money" and had a hard time enjoying the few things I bought with it; a new state of the art stereo and a pair of sixty dollar aerobic shoes. I also gave mom some money. Though I used the stereo, the unworn shoes stayed in the box in my closet for another six years before I first wore them. Though very nice, I never felt right wearing them.

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