The Hole Within

CHAPTER 56

I had the chemotherapy every other day; Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I dreaded my days on and cherished my days off. I became extremely anemic. I had to give myself painful injections daily in my stomach and thighs to stimulate my marrow to make more red blood cells. I also suffered weekly blood draws. My veins quickly became scarred and I became a hard stick. My doctor prescribed a new antiemetic that finally helped with the nausea. I resisted using the Demerol though. I did not like the way it made me feel. I now had access to pharmaceutical heroin and I did not want to use it. How ironic. Mel would come home and I would be laying on the couch crying in pain. Mel would insist that I give myself the IV Demerol. I would cry as I gave myself the injection.

After completing three months of treatment it was finally over. The cavity had stopped growing. Mel and I were elated. We tried to settle back into some semblance of normal. We went camping in Sedona where Mel stayed up the whole night awake, hypervigilant of every sound she heard, fearing that someone would come and attack us. We took drives to Jerome just to be in the cooler weather and see some mountains. We loved and laughed but I still was not feeling better. I thought it was just the after effects of the chemotherapy until I went in for my one month check-up. The cavity had started growing again. I was stunned as we sat listening to the doctor. I would have to go back on the chemo and this time I would be on it for six long months.

Mel was disheartened by the news. I was terrified by it. Six months of that horrible drug every other day! Soon home health showed up and delivered the medical supplies and equipment, while I waited for the day I would go into the hospital. I was to get a central line, basically, a long IV that is threaded into a major artery of the heart. Our small living room looked like a hospital room with the IV pump, boxes of syringes, bags of saline for hydration, bags of medication to treat the symptoms and supplies for caring for the central line. The day I was to be admitted to the hospital came too quickly. Mel was her usual entertaining self while we waited for me to go back to the operating room. She always knew how to make me laugh and lighten the situation. When I woke in recovery, I looked down at my chest to see what they had done. The business end of the small white tube disappeared into the upper part of my left breast. The tube was stitched in place and its end was hooked up to an IV bag. I was taken to my room so they could show me how to care for it and start me on the chemotherapy. Since the catheter went straight into my heart, I would have to be very careful about keeping the area sterile. I was taught how to remove the thin plastic bandage that had been placed over the area, how to clean around the catheter with an alcohol swab stick in concentric circles from the inside out, using a new swab with each circle. Then using the same technique, I went through the process again with betadine swab sticks. Next, I let it air dry, then I carefully applied the thin plastic film to cover the whole area. I was instructed that I needed to clean it every three days to prevent infection.