The Hole Within

CHAPTER 62

Mel and I moved into our wonderful new home. Mel did most of the packing and moving as I still had little energy. Mel had a vision of creating a model home, with themes and decorations to match. Once again, we spent our weekends searching for just the right decorative piece, and the next and the next. I sorely wanted to have a part of the house that I could decorate in my own style, to make it my own. Mel told me I could decorate the second bedroom but that promise was short-lived. She despised everything I picked out and would not let me buy anything. I wanted to hang pictures of my mom as well as my family. This did not fit into her design scheme even though she hung photos of her and her mother and her brothers. I was allowed to two small spots on the collage of family photos as a concession. I was resentful that Mel was surrounded by her mom and her family while I was not allowed to add my own.

Mel's mom lived in Germany. She had married an American serviceman who was Mel and her brothers father. Mel's first language was German. She learned English when her mother married her dad. She was four. Her dad was a hard man and he demanded that English was spoken in their home. He had passed away while we lived at the apartment. Mel had flown to Germany for a month, more to support her mom than any love lost on her father. I ran up our phone bill with long sobbing calls. I was so utterly lost without her. Now her mom was coming to see Mel and her brothers and she would be staying with us.

My only real job in the household was managing the finances. Despite my loathing of math, I had excellent money sense the discipline to manage a budget. This often made me the bad guy as Mel would want to buy something I would have to tell her that she could not. I had built up a modest savings for us. When Mel's mom, Helga, arrived I lost my tight control of the purse strings. Mel insisted that her mom pay for nothing.