The Hole Within

CHAPTER 45

The heat hit me like a wall of fire. We had moved in the end of June, 1991 just as the summer of one hundred twenty degrees hit Arizona. We stayed with my older brother, Jeff, while we looked for an apartment. I remember sitting in the complex's pool, water up to my neck just to stay somewhat cool. The heat was blistering and I hated it! We all looked for jobs. For the first time since I got on disability I was going back to work.

I did not go into physical withdrawals. I was not a daily heroin user (until the last two weeks) and I had my pills. Dr. Bevans had generously given me enough to get me settled here and threw in a few refills. Back then, scripts for narcotics were much less controlled. Even so, I begin to doctor shop. I found one anesthesiologist who would give me a script if I came in and got an injection in my neck. Finally, I found a young doctor just out of medical school, Dr. Middleton. He freely wrote scripts for the narcotics I needed. By now I really did have the headaches I complained of. Funny what to body does to get the drugs it needs.

I interviewed for and landed a job as a group home manager for the developmentally disabled. During the interview, I met Mel. Mel, four-years my senior, had deep blue eyes and a head of thick reddish-brown hair. All through the interview she grinned like a fool. She began to hang out at the group home I worked at. Mel was fun and funny. She was easy to talk to. In the evening, we would sit on the patio for hours and smoke and talk. I found myself spending more and more time with her. There was definitely some kind of chemistry going on. We went out a few times for fun, touching each other when we had the chance. I was not sure what I was feeling. I was less attracted to her good looks and more drawn in by her easy-going nature and kindness. Mel was just likable. The job itself was not what I had bargained for and I tried to quit several times. Each time Mel begged me to stay and made some concession to make my job easier.

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