The Hole Within

CHAPTER 46

Mel invited me to go to the state fair with her and her brother Charlie. We went in her MR2, the three of us wedged in the two-seater. We had a lot of fun like we usually did. After, she took me home, walked me to the door and stood talking. Suddenly, she asked me if she could kiss me. I was too surprised to know what to say so I nodded yes. Her lips were so soft, not at all like a man's. Butterflies took flight in my stomach as we kissed. That night, I laid in bed going over that kiss in my mind. I could not believe I kissed a woman. I replayed it again and again trying to make it real in my mind. Her soft lips touching mine, her velvety tongue gently nudging my lips apart. We explored each other's mouths as her hand caressed the side of my face and entwined itself in my long hair. There was a feeling a fire in my belly, of fear and excitement. It had happened. I thought to myself, it had really happened.

I keenly missed getting high. I required more and more pills to feel anything. I experimented with crushing and snorting them, to no great effect. I tried crushing and melting them in a spoon with some water, heated by a lighter. I would pull the concoction up in a syringe, find a vein and shoot up. The small rush I felt left me wanting. It was not even close to the body orgasms I would get with heroin and coke. I sorely missed that wonderful feeling.

Mel asked me if I would go to a gay bar with her. I did so with apprehension. This was a new world for me. I never frequented bars when I drank since I preferred to drink alone. She took my hand as we entered the bar. I was self-conscious with her holding my hand in a public place until I saw the crowd. Women sat next to women, men with men. They talked, drank, laughed and kissed each other. The scene was shocking yet electrifying. Outside of the pornos with Dave I had never seen two women together. Mel ordered a Jack and Coke and I declined. I wished I could have a drink, it would have relieved my anxiety. She introduced me to her friend Jamie, an effeminate man with a beard. He exclaimed "So this is Lysa!" and wrapped me in a bear hug. "Get the poor girl a drink!" he cried. When Mel told him I did not drink, he asked "What do you do?" with a knowing look. This was a tricky question. I was not sure how to respond. I was not sure how Mel would react if I told him that I did drugs, so I brushed him off. We talked, I smoked and Mel drank. She told me she felt bad drinking alone while I remained sober. Boldly, I told her that I would be happy to do some coke and she smiled and said wait here as she went off in search of Jamie. Mel came back with a little cellophane packet, pressed it in my hand and kissed me. Blushed by the kiss and excitement of getting high, I excused myself to the tiny bathroom. I tapped out a line on the back of the toilet and rolled up a dollar bill. The familiar rush filled my head after six-month absence. Feeling relieved, I snorted another line just for good measure. I left the bathroom a new woman. I was fun and witty and ready to party. I had lost my inhibitions and I hung all over Mel. Flirting, running my hands through her hair, kissing and caressing. She loved it. She was well on her way to being drunk. We danced and talked and played pool and I made the occasional trip back to the bathroom to keep the high going.

We went back to my place, well, my mom and Sabrina's place. We stumbled in early that morning, trying to be quiet but sounded like a herd of elephants. The bed was too small for us both so we pulled the sheets, blankets and pillows to the floor. Mel kissed me hungrily; her hand slipped under my shirt and expertly unclasped my bra. I followed suit and moved my hands under her shirt, but she gently grabbed them pulled them out. "Relax," she cooed as she removed my shirt. Her kisses ran down my throat and her hands moved softly over my hard nipples. Hands cupping my breast she playfully brought her mouth to my nipple, teasing it with gentle bites his licks. Her right hand moved down over my concave stomach and down to my waist, slipping into my jeans. Her mouth found my other nipple as she unbuttoned my pants. My arms were wrapped around her head as her hand began to stroke me over my panties. I was so alive and in the moment, half from the blow and half from the thrill. Mel finally broke away so that she could remove my jeans. Once done, she began to kiss me hard and deep as her hand slipped inside my wet panties. She fingered my clit as I arched and moaned pushing her head down to my throbbing nipples. Gently, she inserted one finger than two, finding me wet and hot, my pussy pounding in time with my heart. She began to kiss my breasts then moved down and kissed my stomach, her left-hand easing me back while her right-hand finger fucked me. I groaned with disappointment as her fingers slowed their pace then stopped. She spread my legs apart and lowered her head to my sex. My senses, heightened by the coke, almost made me jump as her tongue licked my clit. It was a feeling so intense it was almost painful. Her fingers once more found their place and they matched the rhythm of her mouth. My back arched up off the floor as my orgasm took me. I lay panting, sweat dewing my hair as she came back up to kiss me. "It's your turn," I said, inwardly flinching with apprehension and fear. I reached for her and she gently pushed me back, "No," she replied and I was secretly relieved as I had no idea what I was doing. I was sated but wired as Mel fell asleep. I got up, snorted a line and put on some music. I danced by myself, naked, in the bedroom, riding my high while Mel slept, until, having no more coke to snort, I fell in an exhausted heap beside her.