I Think I Love You (Jori)

Nonexistent

     Tori's heart felt as if it'd been impaled by a hot poker. Tears were streaming down her face as she was slowly beginning to realize that the girl who made her realize she was in love with her, had changed her mind. Her breath began to quicken and her hand covered her mouth, trying to suppress the short exhales that escaped her lungs. She ran to her car, distraught, heartbroken, embarrassed, betrayed. Her mind scrambled for answers that were nonexistent.

     No matter how hard she tried, she could not forget how the door sounded when it shut in her face, the brutal rejection that vomited from that simple click. Over and over again, she replayed Jade's face: how she was blank. Everything that made Jade uniquely Jade was gone. Her beautiful corpse was up and walking, yet her soul danced elsewhere.

     Tori was questioning everything: the kiss, the play, the hugs, and the sultry stares.

     Did Jade feel anything for her at all? Was it all just a play on her emotions?

     She floored the gas pedal as her mind was rampant with unanswerable questions, doubts, fears, and everything in between. She could barely see as she was driving, but somehow she made it home.

     Still crying, she ran to the front door and barged into her living room. Her parents jumped in response and were immediately concerned. She ran upstairs to her room, ignoring their voices and collapsed onto her bed next to Cat, who surprisingly didn't stir. Her body heaved along with her sobs as her mind stampeded with every emotion but love for Jade West.

It was apparent that whatever Jade felt for Tori was no longer there. So she decided she had to do the same.

         

     The next day, Tori pulled into the parking lot of Hollywood Arts and sighed deeply. She was in for quite an exhausting day and she definitely wasn't prepared for it. She pulled down the visor in her car and opened the mirror covering. Her eyes had dark circles under them and they were bloodshot. She shrugged, surprised that she didn't look much worse.

     Exiting her car, she pulled her bag out and closed the door. She walked to her locker as usual and took her books for her next class. Her locker door slammed as she closed it and she looked up to see Beck and Jade talking. To her surprise, they were both smiling and nodding along with each other.

Tori felt sick. She looked down at the ground and looked back up at them again. She had to see the outcome of their conversation.

Jade and Beck conversed for what seemed like forever and then the bell rang. Jade smiled at Beck and planted a small kiss farewell on his cheek. Tori's heart shattered and she quickly turned around and walked away. It was so ironic that it was Tori's world that seemed to be crashing down around her, erupting in flames and belching plumes of thick, black smoke, instead of Jade's. She couldn't even breathe normally anymore.

Wasn't Jade the one who liked her in the first place? Why the hell did Jade put her through all of what she did? She sighed and quickly wiped some tears from her face, attempting to compose herself before her class.

     Honestly, she had no idea where the hell she was going. She also had no idea how the hell Jade could act so composed after one: getting out of jail AND getting back with the boyfriend who cheated on her and raped a girl! (She didn't know that, of course but she couldn't help but hold that against her.) And two: after giving her so many fucking mixed messages. She was the one who kissed her, right? Was it all a dream? Was she just going to wake up any second?

She sighed out of frustration and entered the girl's bathroom. How the hell was she supppsed to go to class like this? She leaned over the sink, white-knuckling it, and let out a shaky breath. She had to get over herself, put on a brave face, and keep her head held high. She wasn't going to take anymore of Jade's bullshit, she was sure of that.

She took a final deep breath and pushed herself from the sink, marching to her next class: Sikowitz. She decided that she was going to quit that goddamned play if it was the last thing she did.

     Fuming, she tried to keep her anger under control but she wasn't succeeding. Her fellow pupils were parting like the Red Sea as she walked down the hall. She felt victorious at the moment, but it quickly passed as she entered the classroom.

     She sat down in her usual spot, away from her friends, whom were all surprised by how distressed she appeared. She formed her hands into fists and dug her fingernails into her palms, mentally preparing herself to see Jade again.

     Her eyes were closed as she was concentrating when suddenly she heard someone sit down beside her.

     "Let's unravel these," suggested a voice Tori knew all too well.

     She opened her eyes and pulled her hand away from Jade's.

     "Geez! Sorry, Vega. Just trying to be nice," she smirked, pierced eyebrow arched.

     "The hell, Jade! What the fuck is wrong with you," Tori whispered. "You're driving me crazy! You never gave me the chance to explain—"

     "Let me stop you right there, Vega," Jade interrupted with her hand in the air. "I wanna be clear with you, alright?" She leaned in close, so close that Tori could feel her breath hitting her neck, "One: You don't fucking get to explain. Two: Did you ever think there was something wrong with you? I mea, you were the one conversing with a slut after all."

     Tori shook her head in disappointment, "You might wanna check your facts, West."

     Jade furrowed her eyebrows, "Me? Check my facts? You've got another thing coming if you think that—"

     "Classroom," yelled Sikowitz.

     Tori and Jade turned their heads to where his voice sounded like it was coming from but didn't see him anywhere.

     Suddenly, he jumped through the window and did a somersault onto the stage. Tori and Jade rolled their eyes. They were not in the mood for his shenanigans today.

"Hello, children," he shouted.

The class replied with muffled hellos.

Sikowitz rolled his eyes, "Alright you depressed kids. Today we're going to...," he trailed off, thinking.

Tori rolled her eyes and looked at Jade, "Yes. You check your motherfucking facts."

"Oh fuck off, Vega," she rolled her eyes, "you're insufferable sometimes. I don't know why I'm doing this play with you in the first place."

"About that. I'm done with this play. I'm done with you, I'm done with all of this shit," Tori covered her mouth, suddenly realizing she was yelling.

Jade and Tori looked up to see the shocked faces of their classmates staring at them.

Jade cleared her throat and looked down at her hands, picking at her fingernails, "Alright, Vega. If that's what you want." She stood up and sat down beside Beck on the other side of the classroom.

Tori watched Jade as she sat down beside Beck and felt anger and. . . sadness? She shook her head and crossed her arms, looking up at Sikowitz and slouched in her chair.

Suddenly, Tori was pushed out of her chair. The chair tumbled on top of her and flew across the classroom. Tori cradled her shoulder, already becoming sore and looked up to see Jade standing over her.

Jade bent down and got nose-to-nose with her, "You wanted this, Vega? Well you fucking got it."

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