I Think I Love You (Jori)

Everything's Fine

Jade pulled away from Tori, suddenly overwhelmed.

"What's wrong," Tori asked. "Did I do something to—"

"No," Jade interrupted, "no, you didn't—" she sighed, frustrated with herself. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Jade wrapped her hand around the nape of Tori's neck and softly kissed her mouth. She then parted away from her. She took a deep breath and gently pushed Tori aside.

"Jade?"

Jade ignored Tori and opened the door, walking away from her without a word.

"Jade," Tori called out after her.

She kept walking down the hallway to sit outside with her friends. She knew Tori would follow, she always did.

When she got to the table, they all stared at her.

"Everything okay," Beck asked.

"Mhm. Me and Tori are cool," Jade smiled. She took the vacant seat next to Beck's and held his hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

Not too far behind, Tori came jogging to the table. She stopped a few feet away, somewhat breathless, and observed the situation. Jade knew she'd be confused. She'd explain later tonight.

"Well are you gonna sit down or am I gonna have to make you, Vega?"

Tori quickly shook her head and sat down between André and Cat. Jade felt Tori staring at her. It was as if Tori's eyes were laser beams, boring holes into her skull. She leaned over and pecked Beck on the cheek and felt Tori's gaze vanish to her delight.

"What's up with you today," Beck questioned.

"Why're you questioning it? Enjoy it while it lasts," Jade smiled. She leaned closer to him and kissed him deeply, placing her hand on his chest and locking her fingers into his hair. She looked at Tori while she kissed Beck. Tori quickly looked up at them and back down at her feet, obviously uncomfortable. She parted from Beck and rested her head on his shoulder.

Tori and Cat stood up and walked away.

"Hey, where are you going," Jade called out.

They didn't respond.

Jade shrugged and laid her head back down on Beck.

She traced his hands with her fingertips while she thought about what had just happened. She knew she was gay in some way, shape, or form. She knew she liked girls. She was the one who kissed Tori in the first place. But was she really willing to give up boys? They were what was introduced to her from birth as the ones you had to date and that was that, no questions asked.

Even though she'd already kissed Tori, the feeling was still foreign to her. She was so confused and lost. She didn't know what to do or how to handle it. Tori was right: she was immature. She'd been immature about them from the start.

She sighed as she realized how wrong she was and nuzzled her head deeper into Beck's strong shoulder.

     Jade was just a sea of confusion and hurt and fear. She hurt herself, Tori of course, and she was beyond terrified. Confused was pretty much an understatement at this point. Beck was a safe alternative, he was always there. He couldn't do anything wrong. He was Canadian for God's sake.

Guilt overwhelmed her as she tried to gather her thoughts, but that was like a toddler trying to fit a block into a circle slot: impossible yet she kept trying. Somehow hoping it'd all magically come together. She knew she loved Tori, and she knew she loved Beck. The real question was which one would she choose?

     She sighed and got up, knowing she had to do the right thing and talk to Tori. "I'll be back," she whispered to Beck. He nodded and she went on her way.

     She decided to check the theatre room and she was right, they were there. She smiled at her small triumph and walked up to them. They were sitting up near the top in a corner, somewhat hidden. Tori was holding Cat as she cried into her chest. Curious, and a tad jealous, she quickened her pace.

     "Hey," she said as she sat in from of them. "What's going on? Your brother do something stupid again," Jade laughed.

     Cat looked up at Jade and her smile quickly disappeared. She was really hurting.

     "I-I c-can't tell y-you," Cat replied, her voice trembling. She put her face back into Tori's chest and cried harder. Tori just kept rubbing her back and running her fingers through Cat's hair.

     Jade looked to Tori for an explanation and Tori shook her head, As if you'd even care, she mouthed.

     She was right. She was Jade West, Jade West for crying out loud. The entire school feared her. So why did she want to care?

Jade took a deep breath and swallowed her pride, "Cat, you're my friend. I-I wanna try to help—"

"I can't tell you!"

Jade was taken aback at the sudden raise of her voice and sighed frustratedly, instantly regretting her forced sympathy, "Fine. I'll go."

Tori reached out and grabbed her hand. Jade looked down at Tori's hand over hers and gulped. As much as she hated to admit it, that girl had a power over her.

     "We're not finished," Tori growled. "You don't know the whole fucking story, so don't go jumping to conclusions."

     Jade smirked, "Whatever, Vega," she swiped her hand away from Tori's, putting her walls up again, and walked away.

She was seething, trying to forget about the kiss with Tori, trying to forget about Beck, trying to forget about—her mind was slammed with memories of heavy breathing. She was overwhelmed with the smell of hair gel and she could practically feel unwanted hands on her.

She backed into a wall, grabbing at the imaginary hands on her and she was starting to hyperventilate. Shit what the fuck is this? What the fuck is happening! Calm down, West, chill, she thought. Her chest was heavy and she felt as if she was submerged underwater. She couldn't breathe, she was drowning in her own air.

     "Hey," called out a voice.

     Jade looked and saw Tori running to her aid.

     Shit, Jade thought.

Tori kneeled down beside her and rested her hand on her shoulder, "Hey, are you okay?"

Jade, feeling completely helpless and vulnerable, desperately grasped onto Tori's hand with hers. Tori wrapped her arms around her and held Jade as she tried to calm down.

"Sshhhh," Tori cooed, "it's okay, Jade. It's okay. I'm right here," she whispered. She stroked the top of Jade's head as she whispered sweet reassurances.

     How could this girl still want to be there for her after all she's done to her? She couldn't figure it out. She calmed down after a few minutes and Tori still held her--Jade still let her hold her. Tears were streaming down Jade's face silently. She couldn't hold it in any longer,

     "I. . ."

     "You what," Tori whispered.

     "I was. . . I was—"

     "Hey," interrupted a voice that was clearly Beck's.

     Jade stood straight up and quickly wiped the tears from her face.

    "What happened? Is everything—"

     He was interrupted by a sudden kiss from Jade. Once they parted, Jade looked back to see Tori was gone.

     "Are you okay," Beck asked.

     "Yeah," Jade smiled, "everything's fine."

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