la carta de amor

cuarenta y seis

046

I remembered I changed my lockscreen before. It's a lockscreen for couples. I sent you the other one hoping you'd make it as your lockscreen too. I don't know if you did, but I'm going to bet on it that you didn't. Of course, you didn't. But I'm still not changing it, fun fact.

And my mind has been off of you for a while. I've still been battling with my depression, and it just won't go. Especially when I did things I don't like. When I did things beyond my capabilities. And I am afraid. I am skeptical. Guilty. Too sad to think about you. And all that comes out from my mouth are empty words. Feels like I'm soul less. I want to end this. I am not me.

This is not me.

Help me get out of here.

I hope things will get better, I always do that every end of the month. I always hope the coming month will get better.

I hope that the following month gets better. But looking back on all of those wishes, nothing seemed to get better. I am still struggling to start the month without having to feel sad. I am still struggling. And I still feel sad. And it's like an endless pit of dark hole, and I can't seem to get out.

I am not me, let me tell you this again. This is not me.

I don't like me.

I want to kill me.

From me,

Andrea

(October 31, 2016)