la carta de amor

veinticuatro

024

Hey.

This may or may not be my last letter to you. Just keep that in mind.

It's hard to remember all of these names with all of these new faces.

All of their favorites, hobbies and attitude. All of their likes, dislikes and such.

It's hard coping up with another environment with another one to like—to love, I don't know. It's hard to cope up. But I am trying. I am trying hard.

And finally... I am having fun.

I'm starting to stop missing some people from the past... like you. I'm starting to learn to like what's in front of me, right now.

And I can't tell myself that I already moved on but let me tell you this;

Moving on is not hard.

Although I've tried many times, I always failed to forget you. To stop liking you.

And I guess I never really tried. Because all along, I know deep within myself that I still like you—or worse love you.

And I never really tried moving on from you, let me tell you that.

It just came naturally.

I didn't try. Because I still wanted to love you. I wanted to, I swear.

But he came into the picture.

He.

Or let's name him Raj.

At first, I was just attracted. It's just a mere attraction, I told myself.

And then all of a sudden he was all I'm starting to think about.

It isn't just a mere attraction, I tell myself again.

"Thug life, ah."

His words never lasted 30 seconds, neither my reply did. Because I never really did reply. I just nodded.

And if he hadn't talked to me that day, I swear I wouldn't even glance at him for a second.

I swear.

But he talked to me.

And smiled at me.

And butterflies filled my stomach.

And it was the best day of my new life.

It was the highlight of my new self.

And I started to think about him more...

and more...

until he's all I ever seemed think about.

And I don't want to say this until I finally meet you again and feel nothing but...

I think I'm starting to forget you.

I think. For now.

Goodbye?

From me,

Andrea

ps: i miss you but i dont miss you. do you get it?

i miss you because i'm starting to have feelings for raj and im still trying to deny it until now.

i dont miss you because i dont. i am not even excited to see you. i dont miss you.

in fact... im starting to hate you. because you never saw my worth. you never hurt me. physically, you didnt. emotionally, you did.

and i guess it was better if you hurted me physically.

(7/21/2016)