la carta de amor

siete

007

I changed my wallpaper today.

It was a blurry pic except you, with a little quote on the side; 'everything was blurry and you were the only thing I seemed to see'.

I changed it without having second doubts. Without thinking about it thoroughly. I changed it just because.

I've placed Song Joong Ki as my wallpaper now. He's cute in that photoshoot. I like it. I saved it on my phone and the next thing I knew is he's already on my wallpaper.

Funny how that escalated quickly. Funny how yesterday I was missing you so bad the next day I was starting to like Janzel.

Damn. I hate Janzel.

It was the feeling I always ignored, you know. Even back then. In sixth grade. You knew he and I were close.

We were always close. That's a fact. He's the type of friend that's low maintenance. We don't talk much, meet much but we're close. We never lost that connection.

In sixth grade, I always thought of myself as ugly. I know I am because puberty still didn't hit me those days. But Janzel called me pretty.

We talked for hours and hours... But all we did was talk. Let it be in silence or not. We talked.

It was comfortable. It's a feeling I've always enjoyed.

But I ignored that feeling. Because my mind keeps on telling me that I like you. You're the only one I'm supposed to like.

You and Janzel are different from each other. He's such a gentleman, you know. I never admitted it to him but he's adorable in his own way. The way he cares for other girls. I saw them all.

Janzel and I always helped each other. It's like I'm his wingman. And he's my wingman too. I've helped him with 2 girls, for the past years now.

And I've always watched how he treated them.

I've always thought of this but never admitted it. And today I will admit it to you, I was kinda jealous.

Things changed. Time passed.

I thought Janzel forgot me.

Guess what? He didn't.

He messaged me the other day, kidding me that he also transferred to my new school.

He also told me that it irritates him seeing Gab.

My friend... that I've set up for him months ago.

Things got complicated with my friend. I too was involved in their fight.

Gab was jealous. And possesive. She got mad of me... because I'm close to Janzel.

I got mad at her... because I've given her Janzel. How dare she get mad at me?

How dare she get mad at the girl who wasted her lucky chance at that perfect guy because that girl was close to him?

How dare she... hurt Janzel?

I've always known this. But never told Janzel.

He's precious, just the way he is. He's amazing. He's sweet, adorable and effortlessly handsome.

He doesn't have to do anything to charm a girl. All he can do is get shy and run away. And he's still adorable.

Riel... I'm telling you this.

Gab loved the confident Janzel.

And I've always ignored that fact that I was always attracted to him.

But damn, if I was Gab... I would love the real Janzel.

I would like him to be real with his self. I don't like his winky faces and sweet notes. I like his shy attitude, his awkward laugh, his boasting... his true self.

I like him... just the way he is.

Riel, do I still love you?

Or is it my mind just telling me I do?

- From me,
Andrea.

7/2/2016