A Fill-In Friend || Dear Evan Hansen [EDITING]

.: Nine :.

A/N- This is probably the longest chapter I have ever written, so enjoy! Also, slight warning- language, violence, homophobia. 

[edit: just wait till my like 3000 word chapters lmao
also this is gonna be heavily edited just know jeez i remember writing this,,,]

Connor's POV

Never have any words that come out of anyone's mouth had an effect on me. 

But Evan, that son of a bitch.

Something inside me knew that that wasn't the real Evan. Hell, the boy couldn't even think up an insult most of the time.

So why am I taking his words so seriously? He only fired back the words that I told him. Big fucking deal. 

"Connor, dinner!" Cynthia yells from downstairs, shaking me from my thoughts. I trudge down the steps, sighing as the family came together for dinner. 

"Do you know where Zoe is? She should be back by-" Just as she was about to finish the sentence, the front door opened. 

"Sorry, I'm late. Evan needed a drive home," Zoe says as if we expected her. 

"I told him to stay away from you," I mutter. 

"Oh, I offered him the ride, no worries!" Zoe smiles, faking innocence. I scoff. Zoe puts her things down next to her chair. Dinner is silent other than Zoe's voice telling us all what her school day is like. No one asks me how mine was as if they already know it was complete shit. 

One thing is on my mind right now. 

Friday night. 

When I told Evan to forget about Friday night, I didn't mean it. Friday night was one of the best of my life. That night, I genuinely laughed. Something I hadn't done in years. 

"Connor, eat your dinner." Cynthia's voice once again interrupts my thoughts. 

"Wait- did I just see Connor smile?"Zoe asks in disbelief. 

"You wish," I answer grumpily. 

"Mom, Dad, I think Connor just smiled." Zoe turns to Cynthia and Larry, pointing at me with her thumb.

"But he just said he didn't, dear." Cynthia reasons.

"You're going to take his word for it? I saw it!" Zoe tries to persuade them both- or, at least Cynthia.

"I didn't fucking smile, dammit!" I yell, having enough of the conversation about me. 

"Cynthia, we have to punish him. We can't have our son talking to us like this." Larry comes into the conversation. 

"So now you get off your damn phone? To give Connor a punishment?" Cynthia fires back. 

"No, he deserves a punishment, Mom! He's deserved one since he was born!" Zoe argues. 

"Zoe, do not butt into this conversation, please." Cynthia states calmly, turning back to Larry and saying, "We can continue this discussion later." 

"Because this is a 'discussion' Yeah, definitely," I say sarcastically, getting up and moving the chair out of the way violently. I trudge upstairs, slamming my door loudly and jumping onto my bed. 

My heart seems to sink as I listen to the muffled chorus of what people would call my family argue.

---------------

"Sweetie, Connor? Wake up for a second." Cynthia's blurry figure kneels beside my bed. I blink a couple times, allowing me to see her better.

"And what the hell do you want?" I ask sleepily.