A Fill-In Friend || Dear Evan Hansen [EDITING]

.: Eleven :.

Evan's POV

Reality check: Connor Murphy, in your house, currently smoking something. And you didn't have the courage to tell him not to. 

Connor's voice interrupts my thoughts, "I just want to thank you soooo much for letting me smoke in your house. I just really needed, you know? And I'll Febreze it when I'm done, so you won't get in trouble or anything-uh-you okay...?" 

He noticed my pale face and unsteady breathing before I did. I nodded rapidly, not wanting him to take interest in me. I back up against a wall, stumbling over the air and hitting my back on the wall. I fall down against the wall, the breath getting knocked out of me. My breaths only get more hurried and close together.

"Shit, dude. You need a hit." Connor laughs.

"N-no! I-I don't need anything!" I yell, tears brimming my eyes. I curl myself up against the wall, wishing I'd just disappear into thin air and be forgotten. My breath soon returns to me, but this doesn't stop the rapid breathing. A sudden warmness surrounds me. I look up, confused. I take a few seconds to take in my surroundings. I'm in Connor's lap. He's got his arms wrapped around me as if there's no tomorrow. The realization comes over me, and the tears spill over onto my cheeks. My chest tightens and tears continue to fall from my eyes to my cheeks to my pants. I feel snot creep out of my nostrils. I sniff a deep breath. Opening my mouth, I breathe deeply a couple times more. I look back at Connor, who's eyes are closed tightly shut. 

"C-Connor...?" I say, continuing to breathe deep breaths.

"Shit, Evan... I've never seen you like that." Connor opens his eyes and looks into mine. I, being nervous, look away, searching for something else to look at. My eyes eventually find their way back to Connor's. He's still looking at me, his eyes full of understanding and another thing I can't figure out. 

"Uh, are you-do you want anything to eat?" I ask, twiddling my thumbs. 

"Oh! Uh, yeah, sure." I get up, allowing Connor to get up as well. 

"So, uh, we can get pizza, or, just have leftovers... I'm open to whatever you are, just tell me and we can get it!" I exclaim nervously. 

"Pizza's good." Connor shrugs. 

"A-any toppings...?" I ask. 

"Nope, just cheese." I nod, engraving the instructions in my brain before opening my laptop to order the pizza. 

"You can do it all online now. You don't have to talk to anyone on the phone." 

I recall what my mom said as I type in the web address for the pizza place not too far from here. I finish the order and click the 'Done' button at the bottom. 

"Our order's o-on the way. Wh-what do you want to do till then...?" I question. 

"Do you watch any shows?" Connor picks at his chipped nail polish as he asks the question. 

"Y-yeah, I do... I watch-uh- Parenthood... Criminal Minds, th-though that one scares me sometimes...." 

"Wait, you watch Criminal Minds? You don't seem at all like the type of person to watch Criminal Minds." 

"Y-yeah... I like to stay informed..." 

"You do realize that none of that show is real. Even though cases like that may happen-Oh... I see what you mean..." Connor takes into realization. 

"Yeah," I reply. 

"Well, guess we found what we're gonna do later on." Connor shrugged. 

"What?" I ask.

"Watch Criminal Minds, duh. What are you, an idiot?" Connor insults. 

"Are y-you even going to r-remember anything f-from tonight...? Y-you're high, a-aren't y-you?" I ask out of curiosity. Connor laughs. 

"It's not like I'm getting insanely drunk. I'm pretty sure I'll remember it." (A/N- My search history is stranger than it was before. Yes, I looked up if you still remember things after being high.) Connor smirked. I nod, not quite convinced. I lead him to the living room, where we turn Netflix on, going to Criminal Minds and starting an episode. We get about 15 minutes into the episode before the doorbell rings. I go to get up, but Connor nods at me. I sit back down as he stands up. I hand him the money and he goes and gets the door. A few seconds of chatter, and then the pizza is in Connor's hands. He walks in the living room with the big box, sitting down. I go to open the box, and he grabs my arm gently. 

"Hey, uh, Evan?" He asks. 

"Y-Yeah..?" I eye his hand, which still has grip of my arm despite me moving it back. 

"I've been a really shitty friend lately, a-and I would like to propose-"

"What!?" I yell. I feel my face and ears heat up tremendously. 

"Nonono not like that! Oh my god Evan, no!" His face turns red, "I meant propose a-a sort of agreement... I would like to be your actual, real friend." 

"My r-real friend...?" I repeat. 

"Yeah. I know that sounds crazy- I'm Connor Murphy, the crazy psychopath brother, and the school shooter, right? But, maybe, just a chance is enough for me. To prove that I can be a decent person, you know? I feel like you're afraid of me. I don't want that. I want you to look at me and think, 'He's a good person. Sure, there are rumors, but he's a good person'." Connor looks down at his hand, remembering it was still on my arm and pulls away gently. 

"Connor, y-you don't even know what you're saying. Y-you're high. Y-you don't mean any of this, I-I know it. Tomorrow you're-you're going to wake up and see me sleeping o-or awake, and-and you're g-going to pretend like e-everything didn't happen," I say in denial.

"Come on, Evan. I mean it! Really." 

"Let's just eat," I say, turning away from him, opening the pizza box and grabbing a piece of pizza. I then unpause the show, leaning back and beginning to watch it. I finish one piece, and I'm full. I see that Connor hasn't touched the pizza at all. I lean back once again, glancing at Connor every once in a while. It isn't long before my vision becomes hazy and I'm surrounded by darkness. 

There are a lot of paragraphs in this chapter ooh
Also, DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters within the show. 
And there will probably be a lot of updates (at least more often) because I literally do nothing all day and I usually go on wattpad when I'm bored.
I cried multiple times while writing this :)
And near the end of me writing this, a video from Liza Koshy was posted so I watched that. 
Anywayyyyyy

I'll see you beans another time!
~Alexa <3