A Fill-In Friend || Dear Evan Hansen [EDITING]

.: Twenty-Two :.

Connor's POV

"Connor, get downstairs this instant!" Larry yells. I grumble, get up, grab my phone, and head downstairs. I already know he'll be taking my phone away because that's what he does every single time I'm in trouble. 

"You're in big trouble, young man." He looks at me coldly. 

"I know. I'm always in big trouble." 

"Give me your phone." I hand it over, sighing. 

"Now listen to me, young man. You are not to ever talk to that Evan boy again, you hear me? You're back home one day and you're already causing trouble! How many times do I have to tell you that it's all a sick phase?" Larry won't take his eyes off of me.

"See, that's the fucking problem. You think this is all a phase? Well, tough shit. It's not. I like guys, and you'll have to fucking deal with it." I want to do something other than use words, to hit him, but I don't. I see Cynthia nod cautiously before Larry speaks up again. 

"You're going to military school." He states firmly. 

"Oh, so you're sending me off to some, some school and expect me to get any better? Because being gay is some disease, yeah! My whole life is here–Evan is here! I can't leave Evan alone! I can't just walk away from my whole life for your American family stereotype dream! Because you know what our family is? Our family is the worst fucking family in the world." I feel tears creeping up into my eyes. Cynthia's never looked this guilty in her life. I see a small tear cascade down her face. 

"You're leaving on Tuesday." Larry states.

Tuesday.
Just two full days. 

I rush upstairs and into my bedroom. I don't notice I'm crying until the door opens and Zoe comes in. I open my eyes and everything is blurry, so I blink. She sits on the edge of the bed, looking at me with sad eyes.

"You have to tell him," Zoe says.

"What?" I mumble through sobs. 

"Evan. You have to tell him you're going away."

"Nonononono, Zoe, y-y-you don't understand. It'll-it'll crush him, and-and I just-just, I can't, Zoe." I beg desperately to not have to tell him. 

"You have to." Zoe puts her hand on my shoulder, and at first, I begin to jerk my shoulder away. I stop, relaxing once again and looking at Zoe. 

"Somehow I've already managed to fuck up our relationship and we haven't even been dating for a day." I sigh, looking down at my bitten nails. There is black nail polish peeling away, from when Evan and I raided Mrs. Hansen's makeup cabinet and found nail polish in a basket just sitting there. I painted Evan's and my own. It seems so far away now, but it was only in this past week. 

"If you ask me, you're doing good. Every relationship has its setbacks. Yours just came sooner." 

"You're lying." I deny. 

"I wouldn't lie to you about something like this." She raised her eyebrows. Part of me wants to believe her. This is just all a small setback. Though small isn't how I'd describe it. 

"I'm gonna go see him." I start to get up, but Zoe pulls me back. 

"It's too risky. Dad'll probably be checking up on you." She looks me in the eyes. I nod, sitting back down and wiping my eyes. 

"What if he's right? What if this is all some phase?" I voice my thoughts, seeking some sort of advice from my sister. 

"It's not. What do you think Dad'll think when he finds out both his kids are gay?" Zoe laughs nervously. 

"Holy shit, you're..." I trail off, not wanting to say the word just in case. 

"Yeah. Secret's between you and me, though. Not even Evan knows. Haven't had the chance to tell him." She whispers.

"Well, not to be the overprotective brother, but anyone on the mind, if you know what I mean?" I wink comically. Zoe chuckles. 

"This girl, her name's Alana? You might know her, but I don't know. We both kinda share the love for space and books. And she's pretty." She seems to go into some sort of trance while talking about Alana.

"Yeah, she's Jared's friend, right?" I ask. Zoe nods. 

"She seems nice. You'll have to introduce me to her," I say. 

"No way." 

"Yes, way."

"You're gonna tell her. I know you, Connor." Zoe raises her brow. 

"I'm one to tell secrets. I'm not one to out someone." I suddenly get serious.

"Fine, I'll introduce you two." Zoe rolls her eyes, grinning. 

"Yay." I smile back. 

"Well, I'm gonna try to get some sleep." 

"No, you're not," I laugh, "Probably gonna stalk Alana's Instagram." Zoe's face flushes. 

"Jesus, you don't stop with the teasing, do you?"

"Don't like her old photos!" I whisper-yell. Zoe leaves without a word, but I hear her chuckle slightly. I lay on my bed, noticing I feel better. I smile. For a while, everything between me and Zoe feels normal again. Just like when we were kids. 

I was so happy then.

I hear smidges of my parents' conversation downstairs. 

"Did you hear that? Evan's made our family closer. Zoe and Connor actually didn't fight for once. She left his room without slamming a single door," Cynthia starts, "Evan's helped this family. You're pushing him away from the person he cares about so much." 

"You listen to me..." This is all I hear before Larry speaks too quietly for me to hear. 

"You're wrong!" Cynthia yells. 

Let the fighting, once again, commence. 

Eventually, there's a sound that is so heart wrenching, I can't explain it in words.

The sound of glass shattering and a single scream.

I want it all to stop.

I want Larry to leave and never come back. 

I want Evan
and only Evan. 

Why can't he be here with me?

If he were here, we'd blast music so loud it would drown out the whole world. It would be just us two, dancing to whatever song was on. And it would be perfect. Afterward, we'd go onto my roof and bring a blanket and something to eat, and we'd just sit there, watching the stars. They'd twinkle in Evan's eyes and I'd have this urge to kiss (A/N- I ALMOST WROTE KILL OMFG) him.

It's a shame he isn't here.

wOO 
I love this chapter tbh,,,

Thank you for reading <33
Idk, I feel like I don't thank you guys enough sometimes, but I really appreciate that you clicked this book and enjoyed it? Thank you guys.

I'll see you beans another time!
~Alexa <3