Inside | Shane Harte

50 | The black sheep turned white

For the next two weeks I'm hardly aware of what I'm doing. I do all the things everyone ask me to do and that I know myself that I have to do, but my mind is not present during any of it. I'm nowadays a machine which do as it's told without thinking.

"So, Kayla... What's up? You haven't quite been yourself the past two weeks" Mason says with a worried look on his face. We're hanging out in my apartment, drinking some wine and stuff.

"A bird whispered in my ear that you've met someone" I say, completely ignoring his question. He sighs but doesn't push it.

"Yes, I have"

"Tell me about her" I smirk, taking a swig from the glass of wine in my hands.

"She's the most beautiful girl that I've ever seen" he starts, wrapping his fingers around the glass of wine standing on the table. "Her hair is blonde and bright, almost like sunbeams. Her eyes deep blue like the ocean. But, what really made me interested was her knowledge"

"So, she goes to uni here in Ottawa?" I ask, and he nods.

"She wants to be a scientist in the future. But... What knocked my feet away was her laughter. It's ridiculous, she sounds like a donkey giving birth" he laughs, and I can't help but burst out into laughter as well.

"What? Like this?" I ask, mimicing the possible laughter this mysterious girl could have. It ends up in us both rolling around on the floor laughing our butts off.

Suddenly someone knocks on the door.

"I'll take it" Mason giggles and stumbles away to open the door. As I grab the bottle of wine to refill my glass, I hear him open the door.

"Who are you?"

And instantly, my vision goes completely black for a few seconds. I could easily recognize that annoyed, harsh voice from miles away. Quickly, I sneak out of the living room and hide behind a wall closer to the door to eavesdrop.

"A friend of Kayla's, who are you?" Mason asks suspiciously.

"I'm Shane" he answers and I can hear Mason gasp a little.

"Oh, so you're Shane" he says and I understand that I have to come forward. I walk up behind Mason and what I see is rather shocking.

Shane is standing there, with the largest bouquet of roses that I've ever seen in my entire life, and the most sad eyes I've ever seen on him as well. As they meet mine, it feels like everything inside me breaks down into one big mess. All the feelings that I've held back, all the pain that I've buried deep down inside me rips open again.

"Sh-Shane? What are you doing here?" I stutter, feeling my eyes tear up in both sadness and anger. He looks down to the floor and then turns to Mason with a meaningful look.

"I'm gonna go" Mason says plainly before walking out of the door, past Shane. Now it's just me and him left here and I'm so scared of what he's about to say. What else could he have done to hurt me?

"I am so sorry for everything, Kayla. I'm sorry for lying and making up a bet that never existed. The reason why I did it was because I was scared, so scared of getting hurt. I've never felt what I feel for you. When I felt that I was getting way too much feelings, to the point that I would die for you, I thought it would be best to just... Let it go. Let you go. To protect myself... And I knew that you'd never give up on me if I couldn't come up with the worst thing that I could possibly do to you, so I did. But the truth is that now I understand that I was already whipped. I fell so hard for you that every minute, every second without you the past few months has felt like a stab in the heart. I'm suffering, and I regret it so much. I can't do anything about a lot of my mistakes I've made in the past, but I can fix this one" he says, a single tear running down his cheek.

For once he doesn't furiously wipe it off like he always has, but he look deep into my eyes and shows me his pain. He shows himself vulnerable. I can't help but break down in tears, planting my face in my hands. After a while, I feel him walking closer to me, putting his hands around my wrists.

"Don't hide from me... Please" he whispers, and I let him put away my hands from my face. I take a deep breath and look him deep in his eyes.

"... You are the worst asshole I've ever met" I say before putting my arms around his neck and crashing my lips onto his. He instantly takes the command of the kiss and gently push me back inside the apartment, close the door and throw the flowers on the floor.

He continues to guide us until my back hits a wall and his hands travel down my waist. Our lips move in perfect sync as his tongue asks for entrance by gently licking my bottom lip. I open my mouth slightly more and our tongues meet in a perfect dance.

"I want you" he says, looking deep into my eyes, and I nod frantically before kissing him again.

His hands move up and down my spine, creating chills across my skin, before tugging at my shirt. I lift up my arms allowing him to take it off, which he does smoothly. I'm about to tug at his shirt when his hands stop mine.

"I'm in command today, Kay-Kay" he whispers with a raspy voice and I smile a little while continuing kissing him. He places his hands beneath my butt and lifts me up.

As he carries me away to the bedroom, I automatically wrap my legs around his waist while continuing kissing him passionately. We're inside the bedroom in no time at all, where he slowly puts me down on the bed, placing himself on top.

I can't help but put an arm by the top edge of his jeans to start unbuttoning them, but he quickly removes it and pulls both my arms above my head where he puts them down again. He drags his fingers across the skin of my arms on the way down, from my palms to my armpits.

He then kisses me deeply again before moving on to my neck. He plants small kisses from my collarbone to the soft spot below my ear, where he presses a bit harder, using the tongue also. I moan as he pauses for a second to pull his shirt off.

As I lay my eyes on his marked abs flexing underneath his skin I can't help but place my hands on them, and before he has the time to stop me I turn him around with me on top instead. I interrupt him as he's about to say something with a rather more aggressive kiss and he gives up.

I grin as the kiss continues, my hands starting to unbutton his jeans. As soon as they are unbuttoned, I pause the kiss for a second to pull them off. I take a look at him and can't help but bite my bottom lip.

"You're biting your lip... You know what that does to me" he says with an even raspier voice than before as he aggressively wrap his arm around my waist and turn us both around, again.

He kisses me for a moment before planting a few wet kisses along my body, towards the edge of my jeans. When he's down he quickly unbuttons them and pulls them off all in one, leaving us both in nothing but underwear.

"You're so beautiful... Kay-Kay" he whispers as he goes back up to kiss me again. "I love you so much"

"I love you too" I smile as I mischievously push him around once again with a smirk. He narrows his lust filled eyes at me before hungrily kissing me again.

---

"It's unbelievable, how much you've done for me. It used to be my everyday life to hate everyone I laid my eyes on no matter if I knew them or not, and to always be the black sheep wherever I was or whoever I was with. I... I still haven't forgiven myself despite the fact that you have, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to" Shane says with his hoarse morning voice. I correct my position in his arms to make it more comfortable before slowly dragging my fingers across his muscular arm.

"You know, the beautiful thing about life is that you can always change, grow and get better. You aren't defined by your past. You aren't your mistakes" I say, looking up to his green eyes. He smiles a little.

"Kayla Smith, I love you with all my heart. Without you, I would be lost forever. Thank you"