Inside | Shane Harte

39 | Rehearsal

The next few days go by quite fast, considering the circumstances. I've barely seen Shane all week, which is a good thing since it has made it way easier to approach all the new cool people Crystal introduced me to in a nicer way.

I've been partying several nights in a row and it's been a blast, but it has also affected my studies of course. I can't really say that I care that much though, probably because of the fact that my heart has been completely stunned since saturday. All I've wanted has been to have a good time and forget everything if only for a few minutes.

Mother has called several times asking if I'm okay, and all I've told her is that I am. I wouldn't call it a lie still, since it's half right. The only time that I've felt good has been when I'm drunk. But still, not a lie. I've also told her that I'm glad that I found this out before, you know, we got married or something. That would suck. I cried my eyes out after every conversation, but that's a different story.

Today it's thursday, the day before the Fall Concert, and the last rehearsal is taking place in the auditorium. Mine and Trevor's performance is in the beginning of the show, which I'm happy about. That way I don't get too nervous when it's time.

"So, are you ready?" he asks me when we're waiting for our cue. I turn towards him with an 'are you serious?'-look on my face and go back to nervously picking on my fingernails. He snorts, looks down to the ground and stays silent for a few moments before talking again.

"What's your problem, Kayla? Are you seriously still mad at me for kissing you? If I were you I would really let that go"

My eyes widen before I turn around towards him with a raised eyebrow. Desperately trying to keep my shit together and not get into trouble, I take a deep breath.

"You disgust me" I hiss quietly so nobody else can hear, causing him to wrinkle his eyebrows in obvious fake-confusion. I roll my eyes. He can't even stand up for what he's done. He is a much worse person than I ever thought.

We finally get called up to the stage to perform, and it goes great. I have a lot of anger in me right now and luckily I'm really good at channeling my feelings into any sorts of achievements to do them better. After our last rehearsal of the song several people walk up to me with loads of compliments on my voice and overall stage presence.

Most of the other artists do great in their performances as well, but when it's almost over the time is running towards 9 PM. It's gonna be an early morning tomorrow and I don't want to be tired on the most important day of the year.

But when I grab my stuff and prepare to leave, a familiar melody by the electric guitar starts playing together with the background singers, causing me to stop immediately. That angelic voice of Shane's starts singing and I can't help but turn around.

When I do, our eyes meet instantly and chills travel down my spine. I look away in panic, as Shane sings louder and more intense by every sentence. I can feel his eyes on me still and I don't know what to do. It feels like he's challenging me, daring me to look back at him.

His voice takes me back to the day I helped out at the rock-interested people's concert that they held in Centreville Theme Park. I was hooked by the first word and I still am. So much has happened since then. I've been alive for 18 years and never have I experienced as much things as I have during the last two months.

"Kayla, why are you crying?" Crystal exclaims, and that's when I realise that I'm full-on crying. I drop down to the floor and hide my face in my hands, embarassed to be 'that girl who cries forever over a fuckboy'. I never understood why you would cry over a guy who hurt you badly, but now I really do. It's not as easy to 'just to ignore and move on' as I thought.

"I... I just..." I sob and she picks me up from the ground and gives me a big hug.

"Shush, it's okay, you don't have to tell me" she hushes me and I try to get a grip of myself. I look at the stage and Shane sings the last sentence, not breaking eye contact with me. He knows what he's doing to me and he still keeps on doing it. I hate him, but I love him... It's just too much.

"I'm sorry for falling apart"

"Oh my god Kayla, don't ever be. Never be sorry for feeling down. You're human, remember?" she says with a serious voice and I nod against her shoulder, still not breaking the hug. "Come on, let's go to our room"

I nod again and walk out of the auditorium, knowing that Shane still hasn't let me out of his sight.