Adventures of Captainnamerika

Chapter Nine

You've only just begun: A Year in Review

What a year, 2013! You've given me such experience I've never encountered in my life. There are some moments wherein I can't stop gushing about it and some moments that hinders me so much, regret and pain is written all over my face. Although through my ups and downs, this year changed me so much, I wouldn't expect to be the person I am right now.

When I was still a little girl, I had so many dreams and all of it was so high, almost impossible. Even though I've always been quiet and shy, those dreams can actually make me think that it can come true. I've always been motivated by so many people. I can never tell where their influence stops. From my roots, I've always looked up to my sister. I can't imagine where I would be without her. I didn't see myself to be a smart and talented person.

I remembered walking in the streets of Quezon Avenue that night after a celebratory dinner on my recognition day where I was awarded being part of the Top 10 overall. And then my mother stopped me from walking and that was it. That colorful, medium sized tarp was the start of a new beginning for me.

Joining Bb. Pasayahan was a test of destiny. My family was certain that I have to join this pageant in order to continue the reign since my cousin and sister won the pageant for two consecutive years. It was such a challenge. I had to sacrifice everything. Instead of taking a break during summer like it was supposed to be, I had to attend activities for the pageant such as photoshoots, rehearsals, fashion shows, talent competition and press conferences. Not only that, I have to balance my time and effort since every summer, I enroll math tutorials for a month. Every part of my life changed completely. Physically, I always had to stay fit, eat healthy and sleep early. Mentally, I always had to keep my mind alert by working on my Q and A. I couldn't remember how many books and articles I've read that time. And emotionally, I always remained strong, determined and motivated.

Despite the toughest obstacles I had to overcome, I've always looked on the bright side. Because somehow, the path would lead me to my success. I didn't do it for the sake of my family's reputation or any other people. I wanted to make a name for myself. And I sure did. Till now, I've left the people stunned and speechless.

It felt such a blur. It happened so fast, I never realized how big it is for me and to the people present there. To be honest, I felt like I was joining a national pageant. Heck, the host was the Grace Lee and the judges were reigning beauty queens I watched on TV. Mixed emotions overwhelmed me that my legs started to wobble every time I walked on that stage.Till the moment where I started to open my mouth, I didn't know what just happened that night.

The next day, I remembered waking up with damp and reddish eyes. I thought it was a dream. I tried to tell myself, "That didn't just happen!" But it really happened. By the end of that night, I've come to realize on how to face reality. I didn't win anything but I felt it was such a huge award to be part of the Top 5 finalists.

Although regret overpowered my feelings.

All this time, I was always in my little bubble. Once it popped, I started bursting into tears. I could still remember crying myself to sleep till I woke up. I couldn't see myself in the mirror. Once I had the courage to do so, I said to my reflection, "You can look down and see the mud or you can look up and see the sun."

Lesson learned. But did it change anything? Could I still go back during that night and make things right? Everything does happen for a reason. But I know the best thing I could do is to move on, spend the last days of my summer vacation and get ready for senior year.

My goal for the summer didn't really succeed. But for my senior year, I sure do have a lot of goals. And my failures served as a teacher which helps me mold to become a better person and student. This really helped me overcome the past and deal with the present. But still, my heart yearns for redemption. I badly wanted to prove myself and to other people that second chances exist. And I showed them well. But it was another challenge I had to face. Well, Challenge Accepted!

I've always been a multitasked person. During the challenge, I never realized that there was such consequence.

2013 has been a big chapter of my life. Every page contains so much joy and excitements, but with a little of pain and tears. I felt somehow annoyed by this topsy-turvy life but in the end, I realized that this was how I learn. They are my stepping-stones for a brighter future. Starting from being a high school student, where you undergo a light training towards development and growth. You are trying to be better and wiser as you walk, opening your eyes wide for the world around you. Then go far from this page and unravel the next story which is college life. This is the part where you amazingly went on to a metamorphosis. This is where you fly and transform to become the best that you can be.

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Hey, loves!

I just want to share to you how 2013 totally changed my life. I can practically tell that this is the best/worst year ever. Lucky 13 it is.

Monday is such a lazy day. I kinda feel that I'm like those lethargic Lotus-Eaters. I just spent the day eating, (it's Cheat Day!), downloading music and browsing the net. Can't believe how time can pass by. The heck with it, I even took a shower at 6 pm.

Rapping is totally my jam. I can rap pretty good, you know. Wanna see me do it? I'll prepare some for you soon. As a matter of fact, I wanna rap this verse from Iggy Azalea's track: Murda Bizness.

Hit the club

with bad bitches

stackin' hundreds

bunch of 50's

Super Clean

sho' get em

hit the scene, kill shit

we in the murda Bizness

Whatdya think? Too bad-ass?

Captainnamerika also have that inner malevolence. But I'll keep that for myself, thank you very much.

BTW, monday is all about having crushes. My crushes for the day is Cher Horowitz, Scarlett Johansson, Iggy Azalea and Kreayshawn.

Who's your crush?

Till the next odyssey!

-Captainnamerika 😘