We'd be good to each other (Josh Ramsay/Marianas Trench fanfiction)

Chapter 3

*Josh's pov*

"Josh! Dinner's ready!" I heard my sister call me. I walked out of my room and headed for the dining table. My dad wasn't home from yet, so it was just me, Sara and Mom. They had made tacos together. One of my favorites.

"How was your day Josh?" Mom asked me and I answered.

"Fine, nothing special," I got done eating and cleaned my stuff up before heading back to my room in the basement. I laid myself in my bed thinking about me and Hannah's conversation. It was my fault she had cried, it was my fault her mother was mad at her, my fault she came late to class. Why was I such a bad person, Hannah should never have spoken to me. I'm a bad influence on her, I am only trouble. I went to the bathroom and took out a razor. I sat down on the floor with my back against the door. I rolled my sleeve up and looked at the old cuts, some were healed, some were quite new. I lifted the razor up to my arm, it felt so heavy, but I knew this would take the mental pain away. It stung each time the razor hit my skin and made new cuts. I cried in my hands when I was done. I was a terrible person and didn't deserve anyone. I felt bad, I felt I was beginning to get sick. I quickly washed my arms and stopped the bleeding. I wrapped the cuts up with some band-aids and walked down to my room. I jumped in bed and cried so much my body collapsed and decided "Josh you need to sleep now".

.....

I was sweating, I needed it now! I ripped everything away from under my bed to get to it. I took the back up and packed it out, the needle, the lighter, the tinfoil and the heroin. Laid it all out on my bed and started to burn the drug, turning it into liquid. I was shaking so much, I hadn't got a shot since yesterday and my body was begging for it. I finally got it into the needle with much difficulty. I took a deep breath and injected the Heroin into my veins, I always looked how my veins got big right as the liquid flow through my arm. I could relax now. I took out my guitar and played some tunes for myself. 

"Josh?" I heard my mom come down the stairs. I hadn't packed my kit away, what was I going to do! I panicked and then she stood there, eyes wide open and looked at me, then the kit and last my arms. I didn't even put on a long-sleeved shirt after I finished. "Joshua Ramsay, what the hell is this! Are you doing drugs!?" My mom screamed out, my dad heard and came down as well. 

"ARE YOU CRAZY SON?!" My dad yelled right in my face, I felt a hand smack my cheek. The sensation of my father's hand burned on my face.

.....

I woke up and sat straight up in my bed. Just another dream about my drug addiction. I hated getting these dreams because all I wanted was to get a shot as soon as I woke up. I didn't have any money for drugs for the rest of this month. It was hard and I knew I had to get something today. I got up and looked at the time, 4:47 am. At least I had slept quite a lot, more than usual at least because of my insomnia. I put on my pants from yesterday and went to my tiny closet. I needed something to cover up my scars with because I decided to go to school today. By going to school, I mean sit in the library and write for myself. Maybe Hannah would show up, who knows? Time didn't pass fast enough and I got impatient. I wanted this day to be over, I wanted to go downtown and get my heroin. I needed it so badly. I knew this dude who would give it to me if I did him a favor, the problem is you never knew what he wanted. Sometimes it was information, other times it was to go out and sell for him. I wondered what he wanted today. The sun was finally beginning to show itself and I could start this shitty day. I got completely ready and stepped outside. It rained, of course, it did. I zipped my jacket up and walked towards the school. I sang a bit to myself.

"One more hit and you'll get better

Tin foil, cigarettes, you'll be okay."

Just some lines I had written down. I didn't really know where to go with it, but I just played around with it for a while. Writing made me feel better, just to let everything flow out of your hands and down on paper. Of course, it didn't make me feel as good as heroin, but this was what I had when I was low on money for drugs. I was almost at the school when I lit a cigarette. I needed something to get through this day. When I was done smoking the bell rang and I walked to my class for the first time in a long period. I got some weird looks as I stepped into the classroom. The teacher was there already, so I just found a spot to sit down at.