We'd be good to each other (Josh Ramsay/Marianas Trench fanfiction)

Chapter 37

*Josh's pov*

Hannah had texted me. I hadn't responded. I was laying in my bed, trying to close my eyes but I couldn't because of all the thoughts that trailed around in my stupid mind. The alcohol was beginning to leave my body and I realized all the mistakes I had made. Were they mistakes though? It was just a game, right? I didn't have feelings for Amanda. She was just pretty. I got too drunk. I couldn't keep the lust thought and the flirting apart. Was my excuse that Hannah didn't want me? I couldn't blame it on her though. It was me who had cheated and it was me who told her to stay away from Matt. Was I trying to get revenge for her going to prom with Matt? Was I being too harsh on her or on myself? All these questions made me go insane!

"FUCK EVERYTHING!" I yelled even though it was in the middle of the night.

I got out of bed and walked forth and back in my room. I was restless and angry and sad and miserable... Why did I fuck up my relationship with the best girl on this planet, the best girl in this universe? It was all my fault. I shouldn't have gone back to the coffee shop, I only did it to piss Hannah off. I had never intended to make out with some random girl. I threw myself on the ground and banged my hands into my head. I didn't want to think anymore. I wanted the thoughts to stop! 
A light came into my room and hit my feet. I didn't look up but by the size of the shadow, I knew it was my mom. I cried and was a mess. I kept my head hidden in my arms. Mom sat down beside me and took me in her arms as she used to when I was little. 

"It's okay, Josh... You can just let it out. I will listen to you," My mom said.

"Mom... I, I fucked up... Bad," I cried.

"I'll be here as long as I need to," Her voice calmed me. "I'll always be there for you," She said.

"I don't know what to do, mom... I got drunk and was with another girl," I said.

"Oh, Josh... My Josh," She just hugged me. 

"What can I do?" I asked.

"Tomorrow you're going to talk with Hannah. You're gonna tell everything you said to me and everything you haven't told me. Don't go into details about, you know, and hear what she has to say about it. Let her be angry at you and let her feel disappointed. I know this sounds cheesy but tell her, you love her. Do in your way, Josh," She said.

"Thank you, mom... I'll try my best. I don't want to lose her," I said.

"Josh... My boy, don't expect anything. I'm only saying this to protect you," Mom said.

"I know, Mom. I know," I said.

I wiped my face in my sleeve and hugged my mom tight. It was so nice to have told someone what happened. The thoughts were too much for my own mind. I got back into bed after my mom had shaken my duvet and pillow. Before she walked out she moved my hair away from my face. She smiled at me.

"You're the best son I could have ever wished for... I love you, Josh. I also like your new haircut, it suits you," She said and walked out of my room.

"I love you too, mom..." I said as she closed the door. 

*TIME SKIP*

It was 11:30 am and I was sitting in my bed. I had to get up and go over to Hannah's. I guess the reason I'm telling her, is because I love her. She deserves to know that I fucked up and cheated. 
I got ready while thinking about that. I was out in my car 20 minutes later. I had taken a bath so I didn't smell of alcohol and... her. Luckily I hadn't got any hickeys. I drove off and parked when I got to Hannah's house. I killed the engine and walked up to the front door. I knocked and waited for someone to open.