We'd be good to each other (Josh Ramsay/Marianas Trench fanfiction)

Chapter 31

"Babe? Are you okay?" Hannah sat herself down next to me. 

I still couldn't say anything. It was like my mouth was unable to make any noise. I began crying instead. The tears just ran down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them. Hannah moved my hair behind my ears so she could see me. I needed a haircut desperately. I wanted to tell her that I was okay and there was nothing to worry about but I couldn't lie to her, not about this stuff. She cared for me just as much as I cared for her. 

"Josh... What's wrong, babe?" She tried asking me again.

"Me," I said.

"Talk to me," she said.

"I just suck," I said.

"No, you don't... What are you talking about?" Hannah hugged me.

"Hannah, what is there to like about me? I'm not beautiful or in any form handsome. I was an addict and I cut myself, now I have an eating disorder... I'm a mess," I cried.

"Oh, Josh... Baby...." Hannah started to cry too. "Please don't talk about yourself like this. I love you so so so much..." She whispered to me while she held around me. 

"Do you really love what you see though?" I asked and pulled away from the hug.

"I do, Josh. I do. I think you're the most handsome and beautiful man. You're more than I could ever ask for and I'm so proud to be your girlfriend. I'm so in love with you," she said.

"But," I said.

"Be quiet," She interrupted me. "Please, Josh..." She held around me again.

We sat on the bathroom floor for a good hour. I was crying a few times but we didn't talk. I loved her so much. She followed me to her bed. We stayed in bed the entire day and talked about how long I had been starving myself and throwing up. We watched some movies and played music on her radio. We did manage to get a laugh a couple times. It was impossible not to laugh when you were around Hannah. She was the funniest girl I knew. 

"Josh?" Hannah said.

We've just finished the third movie of the day. I hadn't been paying attention at all to the movies. I had been crying and holding my beautiful girl. I didn't even know what we had been watching. It might have been something scary because Hannah kept jumping and grabbing my hand hard. 

"Yes, love?" I said.

"You won't throw up anymore right?" She asked.

"If I get sick then I can't help it," I joked. It wasn't funny.

"Not funny," She looked in my eyes. "I mean it, Josh. You have to get better. I don't know what I would do if I lost you. I might... I know it's crazy but if you died, I think I would follow," she said.

"NO. You... You can't die. Not ever. You would find a new guy to call Babe and live the rest of your life with. If I die, you have to live on. For me... I will always protect you," I said.

"Just please get better..." Hannah started crying.

"I'm trying, my love... I am trying," I said and hugged her so tight. 

"Tomorrow I'm getting you a therapist. You can't deny that you need one and even though I know how much you hate talking about your problems, that's just what you need," Hannah said.

"Okay," That was all I said.

As the evening came, Hannah made me eat a good and big portion of soup. She kept an eye on me and everything that I did. I don't think I've pissed while someone was within a 2-meter radius since I was maybe eight but due to Hannah's observation of me, she didn't even leave me when I had to pee. She said, that she couldn't trust me with myself yet. I couldn't even trust myself so I understood why she did it. It's all this caring again. All this love for me. Hannah took away my phone at around 7 pm because I shouldn't have any distraction at least an hour before I had to sleep and we went early to bed that night.