glitch ↠ e.d

seventeen - cake pop

ethan and i went to starbucks since that's the closest store our walk lead us to. i got a simple iced coffee with a coke pop and he bought a bottled frappe.

"can you paint me a picture of the sunset?" he asks me. we were heading downtown to the boardwalk, facing the ocean which was calm at this time of evening.

"i can try," i tell him, "you really think i'm that good?"

"yeah, i think you're brilliant." he compliments me, making my cheeks heat up.

"why the sunset?" i ask, softly.

he shrugs, "it's beautiful and simple, but it's so bold and powerful at the same time."

"i like how you worded that, ethan." i tell him, smiling.

we keep on walking and we pass some children running after each other, giggling as their parents call their name.

"if i have a son, i'm gonna take him down here and teach him how to skate." ethan tells me.

"what if you have a daughter?" i ask.

"i'll teach her how to ride a bike." he answers.

i like how ethan can envision his future, i like how he wants kids in the future and how he's already planning on what to do with them. i think it's adorable.

"what about you?" he asks, "do you want kids when you're older?"

"of course." i tell him.

as we walk along the boardwalk together, i remember that i haven't even unwrapped my cake pop yet. as i pull it out of my purse, ethan's eyes immediately glue to it.

"i thought you ate that already." he says, watching me carefully tear it open.

"me too," i tell him. about to take a bite.

he laughs and grabs my wrist that's holding it, "nu uh, i want a bite out of it first."

"excuse me!" i giggle, moving it away from his lips. "i bought it for myself."

"don't be such a fat ass." ethan groans, "let me have a bite."

"no, i haven't eaten today." i tell him, grinning.

"me either" he replies, "and your pussy doesn't count."

i gasp and hit his chest, "don't be gross"

"please, allie" he begs, "don't make me tickle you for it."

"i'm not ticklish, loser" i say proudly, holding up my cake pop between our faces.

ethan and i meet eyes and then glance back down at the pink cake pop that i was dying to eat. he licks his lips and i know he's either going to bite it right off or rip it out of my hands, so i'm prepared for either action he chooses.

the minute i see his head jerk forward towards the cake pop, i quickly pull my arm down and his lips are only a centimetre away from mine, i feel my heart start racing as his warm breath hits my lips.

"i was going to bite it" he whispers, not moving closer towards my lips or away from them. we were both in pretty much shock and confusion on what just happened. our faces have never been this close together and he's never kissed me, just like he never plans to.

i was tempted to cup his cheeks in my hands and just press my lips against his pink, plump ones. i was curious to know what would happen, i was curious to know what it would feel like.

"i know." i mumble, his face slowly backs away from mine and i feel my adrenaline pumping wildly when he runs his fingers through his hair. seeming as if he is stressed out.

"are you getting tired?" he asks me, "because we should probably get going home."

i frown at his words. maybe he strictly does only want me for sex, i mean if he can't kiss me, there's obviously something he strongly dislikes about me, does he think i'll be bad at it?

all these thoughts were rushing through my head as he walks me back to my house. this time our walk is filled with silence and awkwardness.

i don't know why i care so much, it's not like i'm catching feelings for him or anything. it shouldn't bother me that he won't kiss me, i really shouldn't care and i shouldn't be worrying about his feelings towards me.

but i do, i really do. i know i shouldn't but i am starting to like ethan, and it's messing with my head that he doesn't like me in return.

i'm scared to lose my virginity to him. i'm scared he's just going to leave me. if he doesn't kiss me the night of taking my virginty, it won't feel as special as it's suppose to, and i don't want to confront him about it because i don't want him to get angry or think i'm starting to get emotionally attached to him.

even though i think i already am.