I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay (Frerard)

[Chapter 3]

I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay

GERARD.

I rushed a little more to get into the cafeteria before either of the teachers and almost punched Tom when he just smirked and continued into the building. I stopped walking when Ms. Smith called after me with a worried look on her face.

As soon as she reached me, she held onto my shoulders and kept me in place, "Gerard, please don't go in there until I know that whatever it is isn't that bad. I don't want you going in and getting embarrassed or scared." Ms. Smith then stood between me and the entrance to the cafeteria.

With the words, "It's for your own good," I knew that she wasn't going to let me through anytime soon.

I could hear laughter and groups of students talking animatedly about whatever had happened in there, some sounding grossed out and others as if they had seen or heard the best thing ever.

Mr. Wallis had gone in a few minutes ago, and only now did I hear him speak up, "Quiet! Everyone in here is to collect every single piece of paper and put it in the nearest bin. I will check each of you to make sure none of these leave the room and you will all forget this ever happened. This is unacceptable."

He sounded angry and disgusted. That made me worry even more, my gut churning, brain ticking and heart beating furiously.

Ms. Smith gave a sorry smile in my direction before closing the cafeteria door, whether it was so I wouldn't here whatever else was said or if it was so no one could leave I wasn't sure.

I began pacing outside the doors in front of Ms. Smith whilst pulling on my black hair.

How bad could it really be? What could Tom really do to me? He's already embarrassed me and turned a heck of a lot people against me. There isn't much more to do to me, I didn't have a lot to begin with.

I ran my hands through my hair again and again, mumbling to myself about the whole situation. Suddenly I spun around on the ball of my foot so that I was face to face with Ms. Smith, "How bad is it? Really? Is it I have to change my name and move country bad?"

Ms. Smith seemed to struggle with way she was going to say to me but by that reaction I think I knew just how bad it really was. "It all depends on how you decide to act to it, Gerard. But it's class time now so please head off to your next period and try not to worry about it."

I sighed once more, trying to look past Ms. Smith into the cafeteria but failing. I started shuffling to my next class, keeping my head down and trying to hide from anyone that would recognise me.

As soon as it came to fifth period, I had done some serious thinking about what it was that could've happened. This was Tom we're talking about, he was as creative as he was cruel. He could've done anything in that cafeteria that I can't even imagine up now.

But it wasn't that. What if Mr. Iero had been the one on duty this break time and he had been the one to see this? He would've been the one to see it all and he would know how much of a failure I am. I felt oddly hellbent on making him see me for something I'm not.

Which implied that I didn't want him to know about me, my few friends, my family and my past relationships. I didn't want him to know my problems and worries and stresses. I wanted him to see me as someone who is bright and brilliant. Not a total fuck up.

When I was walking towards my fifth period of music, I was seriously considering missing class and going into seventh period so I was still marked in. I mean, I've never bunked before other than the time I hadn't turned up to extra lesson but spent my spare fifty minutes in the library completing work.