I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay (Frerard)

[Chapter 24]

I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay.

GERARD

I stay there, watching the door for ages, or what had seemed like ages in a hope that Frank would come back and give an explanation for his behaviour. That was so unlike Frank to do or say something like that to me, he didn't seem that much of a dick to react in that way to something so stupid like that. Frank was a good person, he was a nice person, he didn't even mean what he said, he's probably stressed out by something and this had pushed him a little too far. It's fine, he didn't mean to hurt my stupid feelings.

But, Frank never did come back that night. He didn't appear later on and he didn't even text me an apology. Frank didn't care as much as I thought he had. Instead, Brendon came into the dorm first with tears in his eyes and a sniffle, seeing me an giving a weak smile as a comfort as he made his way over to the bed, being careful not to step on the papers on the floor before laying onto the bed and hugging me tightly, burying his face away.

We stayed silent for a long time, me sitting there and staring at the door in hopes of Frank returning to me and Brendon laying there as he clutched onto me and hid his face away, probably not wanting me to see him silently crying his heart out. My hope in Frank was decreasing rapidly, I started realise soon he wouldn't be coming back anytime tonight, I wouldn't be allowed to leave this ion once everyone was asleep so I could go to sleep right beside him. I wasn't going to have Frank for myself ever again.

I guess it was fun in the month or so that we had lasted together, we liked each other a lot and we cared for each other. I still like and care for Frank but it doesn't necessarily seem like Frank was extremely happy with me and I wasn't exactly in his good books anymore. I was always that loser that seemed to screw everything up for myself and those I loved. I think that was just my thing, I think I just had that special ability to wreck something so badly that everyone eventually left me behind.

I was never able to hold onto someone for longer than a year. I could never seem to stop them from leaving and sometimes I had actually been the one to leave them. I was a loser-friend that not many people really wanted, I was the kid that was sometimes depressed, moody and angry, sometimes excitable, bouncy and giggly and there was never any telling what mood I was going to be in when I was around people, that scared a lot of them.

Who would want to be friends with something that couldn't control his emotions and would, sooner or later, lash out and take it out on them?

No one.

Brendon was bound to leave me soon. I would miss him most, he's one of the best friends I've had so far and it would be sad when we stop talking but to be brutally honest it would benefit us a hell of a lot more than it would wreck us. He would be able to go on and live without me and my unpredictability in moods and my weird obsession with our fucking music teacher. He wouldn't have to try and hide us around the school anymore. He wouldn't have to try and help me out with my depression anymore.

"Wanna trade stories now before everyone gets back in ten?" Brendon whispers before moving around until he was sat opposite me with his eyes cast downwards onto the blanket I was still huddled under. I nod slowly and cover my mouth with the blanket a little more, "You can go first." I say, getting a playful glare from Brendon before he sat up straighter and sighed in somewhat defeat before playing with his hands, as a sort of distraction if you will.

"I think it's obvious that I liked Sarah. Like, I like-like her, but she's just playing with me. She's messing around with me, with other guys, she's a liar. I dunno, I got a bit overwhelmed by sadness when I saw her kissing another guy. I felt like shit and wanted to find you but you wasn't with the group so checked Frank's room first, he said he hadn't seen you in a while." Brendon looks up at me with a smile, "So I came here to see you close to to edge of sanity."