I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay (Frerard)

[Chapter 20]

I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay.

GERARD.

"We should get back to the meeting point a little earlier than everyone else will." Frank stated as his way to break the silence as he started moving around, ruffling being heard and a sigh falling from my lips.

I had been enjoying our previous silence. It had lasted a while, Frank finally realising that I wasn't up for talking, that I wasn't going to be one to put out for much of a conversation so he decided to fall silent too. We stayed there, occasionally changing our positions to avoid getting pins and needles in our limbs or to simply become a lot more comfortable, Frank ending with his legs stretched out and leaning back on his hands, his head tilted back.

I was sprawled out right beside him, my head resting on his thigh as my makeshift pillow. Every so often, he would pull out another cigarette for me and light it before placing it between my lips, repeating the process for himself. Frank played around with me, tried to catch the smoke that I blew out, laughing about it when he actually breathed some of the wisps in, pouting when he didn't.

All through that, he didn't say anything, of course he made sound effects just to show how determined he was to catch my smoke. The closest we came to talking was when he would make a sound of glee or a grunt of annoyance and I would have a giggle right back at him at his own expense.

"But I'm not hungry, I don't wanna see everyone else eat."

Frank sighed, looking rather disappointed in me by how childish I sounded and at the pout on my lips, my arms crossed over my chest and my eyes that wouldn't exactly look directly at him when he tried non-stop to catch my gaze, "That's not the only reason we're meeting there, Gerard. It's to make sure no one is hurt and we're all there."

"Yeah, well you know I'm here. Why can't you just skip me and let me go back to the dorm?"

Frank huffed this time, obviously his irritation towards me growing stronger each and every time I so much as opened my mouth, my brain telling me to shut up now before he really flipped shit, pushed me off of his lap and stormed away, "Gee, stop being so difficult and get your ass to registration. You can leave two minutes after, you don't even have to eat, alright?"

I groaned dramatically and made a whole show of just how painful and tedious this task of registration really was for me. I continued groaning and grumbling as I walked along the path back to the main site with Frank trailing along right behind me, small snigger was heard every so often from the man in between my complaints.

I saw two groups of people still hanging around the main site, both of the groups having a mix of people from different classes. There was a combination of people from the two music classes and the two art classes, some of them didn't even look like they actually belonged within the groups that they were sat at, they were new additions to the already formed friendships.

If I was talking about the Gerard Way this time last year- if I even got forced into going on this trip in the first place- I wouldn't have even considered myself worthy or that I would be able to fit within their category, I wouldn't have joined in and I wouldn't have become friends with nearly all of them.

Now-Gerard Way, current me, I would've been able to make friends with them. Maybe not directly by myself, maybe I would need to take a friend I have already succeeded in making to actually approach the group, but I was somewhat hopeful and optimistic about the whole thing. It's funny what making conversation with a guy that just had a shit can do to your life.

God bless Brendon.

I have friends because a guy that shits a lot and is open about it introduced me to his friends.

Great background story for whoever asks.

Frank finally matched his pace to mine and walked along beside me, gripping onto my elbow when he saw that I tensed up, my gaze on one particular kid in one of the groups, his eyes staring right back at me, a smirk on his lips. Frank steered me further away from the group, making me take a detour route to the main hall, "Hey Gee, it's alright, he's just trying to wind you up and cause scene."

Tom waved with his smirk widening, blowing a kiss my way.

What a fucking dick.

By now, you would at lease expect him to avoid me at all costs, knowing that every teacher that is in our school is watching his every fucking move, and he knew how strongly Frank felt about the me and Tom situation! He knew that if he done the slightest thing within a meter of me and Brendon just so happened to be around, he would have been shredded to pieces, physically and verbally.

But now, I seemed to realise that Frank didn't do anything, that Brendon wasn't here. That I wouldn't have done anything in the line of defence if Tom did just so happen to approach me. I wouldn't have stopped him if he did want to do anything to me and I wouldn't have told him to go away if he said anything to me.

Frank dragged me a little further along, until I was fully out of sight and I was finally in the hall. Frank sighed as he turned around, giving me time to sit myself down on the floor at his feet, suddenly very tired, very weak and very fed up with myself, with Frank and everyone else. I was pissed off at how weak I was. I was fighting more than one losing battle.

The battles were difficult, me against mind, me against my capabilities, me against my will power. I never seemed to win either way however I tried.

I buried my face within my hands, digging my fingers into my forehead and jabbing my elbows down into my thighs. I tested myself, seeing just his far I could really go and how much pain tolerance I had in me, just so happening to know that it was pretty damn high already. Frank kept quiet for a little longer, pacing back and forth in front of me, his footsteps being the only thing I heard clearly.

"Hey, Gee...?" Frank whispered, barely even loud enough for it to reach my ears as he stopped his walking up and down to sit down opposite me with his legs crossed, "You okay?"

I ran my fingers down my face as I looked up at the man that was sat opposite me as I really thought over that question, "I guess, I was okay, for a little while. But now I'm not okay. Hey ho, it all depends on what it is that you define as okay. In my terms, I was okay, probably more than okay in fact."

Frank paused and played with his lace on his battered black Vans, "You wanna have a little talk about it? Like, what made you happy? Why are you sad?" I stay silent for a moment as I let my hands drop to play with Frank's other shoelace, our knuckles gently brushing against each other's in the silence.

"I think it's better if I mull over the words to myself for a while before I say them out loud. Give myself time to make sure I'm not being a stupid fool. Maybe I will, but I guess I always think I'm stupid because I am stupid, how I deal is stupid, how I react is stupid, I just don't wanna tell you when I know I'm just plain stupid."

Frank shook his head slowly, sighing as he ran his hands through his hair several times, "You're not stupid, Gee," Frank started, lifting his head up so he could make eye contact, "But I cannot force you to talk. You'll speak to me in your own time, and I respect that."

I snorted, "Thanks." I mumbled bitterly, so glad of the fucking acceptance that Frank offered me.

All I really wanted was to go and crawl into bed and sleep through the next few days.