I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay (Frerard)

[Chapter 8]

I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay

GERARD.

Mr. Iero didn't let me go outside, he came and found me and took me with him. I didn't argue, I didn't cause a scene and I didn't even object once. I hung my head and followed behind him to his class, not looking away from the floor once even when he stopped to talk to a teacher.

Brendon had come into the classroom a few minutes after we got here and I decided to send him on a mission, "Do you think you can go and find Cassie? She's in year ten, tall, tanned, curly hair up in a ponytail. When you find her give her my number."

I gave my number to Brendon and sent him off on his little adventure around school, directing him to the cafeteria area and then began to set up my little camp besides the window, thoughts from break time still all clouded up inside my brain.

The positioning of the sun had changed a lot since the last time I had sat here, and the way that the world works has never failed to amaze me.

Just thinking of people who say the saying 'it's a small world' makes me laugh at their stupidity. It's no where near small.

That one person, compared to this world, is insignificant. We're all so insignificant, and when we ourselves think about ourself compared to the world, the continents, the individual countries, towns, civilisations. We are irrelevant, small and meaningless compared to all these other people.

Alone. That's what I was. Sure I definitely felt like that al the time even when I didn't have any reason to be, but these things happen when you don't even realise it happens, right?

The distance from the window to the concrete path beneath was starting to look a lot more appealing to me even though it wasn't high enough for my liking but I guess, one day, it will do the job I want the right way and I will no longer have to worry after that.

I changed my gaze to the landscape of buildings that were lit up differently. Who needed the music room window to jump out of when there were all those buildings to jump off of?

"Gerard...?" Frank whispered to get my attention. I looked over at him, only now realising that I had just been sitting there thinking as I stared out at the building tops, "What is going on inside that head of yours? What are you thinking? What are your thoughts?"

Frank stared at me intensely as he stood up out of his chair and walked closer to me, inspecting my facial expressions, my movements and my moods. Three things that had never been a big giveaway with my thoughts, how I really felt. And I'm guessing that's all Frank really wanted.

Frank and I didn't say a word, we didn't move. I certainly wasn't going to make a stupid move again anytime soon. I just let my thoughts wander once more as we just stared at one another, Frank's eyes darting across my face for something that gave away what I was thinking of.

Whilst I looked on his face for anything that told me how he was feeling. I guess I came back with more answers than he did.

The teacher in front of me sighed before looking out of the window, frustrated that he wasn't allowed any access into my brain, "I'm sorry. I just don't talk to people I don't feel one hundred percent comfortable with," Frank sighed and nodded, " but I do have a proposition for you."

Slowly, Mr. Iero looked away from the window and back at me and scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion, "What kind of proposition are we talking about, Gerard?"

Instead of giving him words in my answer straight, I unzipped my bag and pulled out my nearly empty grey covered notepad, "I was thinking, I write everything I feel and think down when you ask me to, and when it comes up to the time when I feel comfortable enough for you to know, I'll let you read it."