I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay (Frerard)

[Chapter 27]

I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay

GERARD

I didn't want to go through with the whole performance, this wasn't something that I was accustomed to, I wasn't exactly sure whether or not I actually wanted to go through with this performance. This wasn't something I had really prepared myself for when I was rehearsing, writing, when I was gearing myself up for tonight. This wasn't something that was on the top of my preparation list when it came to performing up on a stage in front of a load of people. Honestly speaking, it hadn't even seemed to cross my mind that there would be a large amount of people watching me when it actually came around to me performing.

But I stand up from my seat, Ollie following suit. I look at Tom to see him not even paying me any attention, too interested with talking to the girl sat beside him that just so happened to be extremely hot. I ignore him, hearing words of encouragement from Jack instead, words of encouragement that were supposed to be given to me by my boyfriend as well as one of my friends. Tom was rapidly becoming further and further away from having his way with me each and every second. I thank Jack for the words, holding onto Ollie's sleeve as we get up on the stage.

He sits on his stool at the piano whilst I stand up at the microphone stand, playing around with my hands as they begin to shake, my legs shaking too and my throat begins to close up. I open my mouth and try to force words out of my mouth, a sound or anything that would assure people I could breathe and that I was still alive and able to complete this performance without passing out.

I try talking once again but fail one more time. I claw my fingers into my thighs as I turn my head away from the crowd and towards Ollie who seemed to be hesitating with the piano, obviously noticing that I wasn't cooperating with my body properly, it wasn't functioning as it should be. I didn't know what to do, was I allowed to ditch this performance and hide away in the dorm room until Frank comes to find me and ask what happened?

Ollie gets up off of his stool and meets me halfway on the stage to wrap his arms around me, everyone starting to talk in the crowd but I only listened to Ollie's voice, trying to block out the other voices in the room, "Hey hey, it's alright, they're only people. They wouldn't hurt you and if they even tried, Brendon will beat the shit outta them alright? Look, Jack and Brendon are on their way right n- Jack just fell over a chair for you man."

I hear another three sets of footsteps on the stage, two other pairs of arms wrapping around me and a voice speaking up, "Gee, I know this is gonna be difficult for you, but honestly, you're a brilliant singer, you're one of the best here, alright? Remember when you were singing Green Day to me?" I look up from Ollie's shoulder to see Mr. Iero there, looking sadder than ever. I giggle a little as Brendon makes an offended noise, obviously hearing when Frank said I was one of the best here.

I nod slowly, definitely remembering the day clearly because it was only last week on the way here. Frank smiles, hoping that I would believe his words, "You sang beautifully and you didn't even think twice about singing for me, admittedly it was at two in the morning and it was whilst everyone was asleep, but you done it. You were fine with singing in front of me, you've been fine with singing in front of Ollie, you can do this, you'll be alright." I pull away from the hug with my three friends, looking at each of them, Jack staring at me a little, looking a little surprised about something.

Jack hits my arm all of a sudden, "Shit, that was you singing that night, I heard you and I remember laying there like 'fuck, I want that boy's voice'. Dude, you can fucking rock this, you don't need to worry!" I smile, looking back at the people in the crowd, noticing there weren't as many people as I had thought at first and they all seemed to be people that I had seen around school before, some I had happened to become real close with over time. I could do this. This wasn't supposed to be hard.