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I performed a song from my album called I Can't Make You Love Me. My whole album was from the highs of my life or my cocky self down to me fucking up again, but only this time I can't fix it. This song was the last song on my album. It was last because I realized, things will never be the same. Even if we do make it work. When I wrote this song, I was trying to get Mani back.
She wouldn't budge at all. It really made me break down. It honestly did break my heart. I broke down. I pushed my album back and I sent my kids to stay with Mama Drea. I couldn't handle anything.
I also got something good out of it. I decided to leave Epic/Sony and start my own label alongside lauren and Ally. I also put Normani's name down as part owner. She doesn't know, neither does Ally and Lauren. She's like a silent partner, only Mila knows and she only knows because the paper were on my bed and she took it upon her self to read them.
Anyway not the point. The point is that I was performing at the freaking VMA'S and my whole album is dedicated to Normani. I chose this song to peform is because I realized that I can't make her want me. No matter how hard I try. I really did love her and I know she didn't love me, I messed that up for myself. As I start to play the piano of my song, I couldn't help but think about how it was made , along with some help of course. It was different from the album version.
It was a piano kinda like melody. Tank actually came in the studio one day and he saw me and made this song for me. I do the second run of the song and I look out to the crowd as they smile and cheer my name. I was looking for Mani. I start to sing the first verse. I found her and I smiled, well I gave a sad smile because I knew, that I probably won't ever to get to hold her in my arms.
After I sing the chorus, I start to scan the crowd and see all different type of emotions. I didn't care about their reaction (except Beyoncé of course) but she was getting ready to peform so she wasn't out here. The song was coming to an end and I got off the piano, grabbed my mic and headed to the stand. I poured all my heart out, because this was how I truly felt.
I didn't even realized I was crying until I saw the audience and they were all either holding their heart or crying with me.
The songed ended and I said thank you and did a little bow. I got a last glimpse of the crowd and saw Mani with her hand over her mouth. I headed backstage, ready to pack up and go. However, I got stopped by one of my favorite interviewers. "Hey how you doing?" I give her a hug.
She has the best tattoos. "Well after that performance, I am emotional and my feelings are all over the place." She says and I giggle. "Well, I was aiming for that so thank you. " "You're welcome. So with your album dropping only two or three days ago and you perform this song off the album, what is going through your mind because there is a reason behind this song.
She is so into her job but yet gentle at the same time. "Umm, well lets just say I fucked up and no matter how many times I tried to apologize,I realized it was my fault, and I can't make her love me. She deserves the best now and this whole album-- I'm not gonna lie, it's dedicated to her. I want her back, but if I can't at least I know, that I did everything I could." I feel a tear roll down my cheek amd I quickly wipe it.
