All We Thought // Ashton Irwin [AU]

Chapter 13: Amnesia

I listened to Ashton's story, silently by his side, watching his facial expression change with each part of the story.

To watch Ashton's emotions so clearly written on his face was the hardest part, I was watching him relive all the memories right beside me. When he got to the part about him and Evan's fight, I started to tear up. I was the reason their friendship fell apart, and I didn't even know about it to stop it from crumbling.

He was choking on his words, his voice cracking when he repeated what Evan had told him, about how broken he was and how he never truly healed after his dad left.

For Evan to say those things to Ashton, even if it was years ago, it still changed my perspective about him. I don't care how long ago it was, it was unacceptable and just an asshole move to say those things. I don't know how I was going to look him in the eyes, especially knowing how he treated me like a challenge. If Ashton had never said anything to Evan how he was interested, Evan may have never pursued me.

What if Evan is still with me for spite, especially now since he knows Ashton's my intern?

From Ashton's story, it didn't seem like Evan had nearly as much feelings for me like Ashton did. What if everything between me and Evan was a lie? I had so many thoughts swarming in my mind, I couldn't comprehend everything at once, my head was swimming with questions, but the main question I had was...would everything be different? What would happen if Ashton did come up to me? Would we be together? More importantly, would I be happier?

I didn't snap out of my thoughts until Ashton was physically shaking me gently, calling my name. Snapping back out of my thoughts I realized I couldn't breathe.

I was gasping for air, feeling like all the oxygen was taken out of my lungs and there were walls closing in on me. I couldn't focus, I was dizzy and my vision was blurry. My hands were shaking, and my heart was pounding inside my chest. Everything was out of my control and terror was shooting through my veins making everything worst, I was having a panic attack.

"Roxie, Roxie, look at me!" Ashton took my face in his hands, making me physically focus my eyes on his. His hands were cool against my skin.  

He sounded calm, but his face was panicked. "Breathe, take a deep breath and focus. You're okay, you're okay I promise you're okay. Please, just calm down. I won't let anything happen to you, you're safe. Roxie, I swear you're safe with me."

He kept repeating himself for reassurance, desperation soaking his words. Once my eyes were completely lost in his, and I started to calm down, he took my hands in his, to stop them from trembling.

When I was able to thankfully breath normally again, I gripped his hands in mine, "I...I'm sorry...I haven't had one of those in years. I don't know what came over me." My eyes tearing. I really needed to stop crying in front of him, I needed to get a grip over my emotions. Damn Ashton Irwin made me so emotional.

He was now rubbing his thumbs over the tops of my hands, further calming my nerves in hopes of stopping me from shaking, "You've had one of those before? Did you use to get them a lot?" he questioned.

I nodded my head, "Yeah I use to get them a lot actually. You seemed like you knew how to stop them though."

He smiled, "I do actually, my little brother use to get them from time to time. I was usually the only one that could help him because my sister was too little to comprehend what the hell was going on and my mum was usually at work." He took one hand off of mine, and lifted it to my cheek, wiping my falling tears. "Please stop crying. You're killing me here. I can't watch you like this anymore. It literally is hurting me to watch you upset."