All We Thought // Ashton Irwin [AU]

Chapter 32: Make It Stop

"So...welcome back.  I'm glad both of you were able to make your way back here." the therapist smiled as she opened her gigantic folder.

I took a deep breath and nodded at her comment as Evan sat next to me once again.  Looking at the big picture, I knew that fighting and resisting the next few days would not make anything better.

I just kept telling myself that I needed to start over and this was the only way to do it.  

"I want to do personal sessions with both of you to understand you on a more personal level.  To ensure that there are no uncomfortable feelings and that no one is holding back, the other half of the couple will be asked to wait in the waiting room until the session is completed.  Who would like to go first?"  she asked, looking between me and Evan.

I sighed, "I'll go first."

Evan gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before getting up and leaving the room, closing the door behind him. 

My palms were already sweaty and my hands were starting to tremble.  I was never good in one to one meetings, especially when I was the subject of conversation.

Maybe this new slate thing was a bad idea.

"These are going to be very simple questions.  I just ask that you answer as honestly as possible.  Nothing that you share with me will be shared with Evan or anyone else.  It will be 100% confidential.  Let's start by talking about your family.  Tell me about them."  the therapist questioned.

Yeah, this was a bad idea.

"Um...well...I live at home with my mom and my dad.  We have a maid who I am closer with then my mother and has lived with us since I was a child.  I have an older brother who use to live with us until he moved out a few years ago."  I explained as I watched her scribble in her notebook and nod her head as I talked.

"Would you say your relationship with your mother is strained?"

I nodded, "Absolutely"

"Could you please tell me about that?"

I took a deep breath.  I had so much to say, where the heck do I start?

"My mother has always been a control freak, ever since I could remember.  I never remembered my mother playing with me as a child or taking me memorable places, that was always my dad's or brother's place.  The only things I remember was how she would constantly be chastising me for trivial things or reprimanding me for not keeping up the family image.  My mother still controls me.  A few weeks ago she took my phone and deleted all my text messages without my permission.  She's been planning my wedding, a wedding I don't even want, without any of my input.  I'm not allowed to wear what I want, I can't be out late unless it's work related, and I cannot have any friends she doesn't approve of unless I want to be kicked out of the house and have all my belongings thrown away.  I try to talk to her and all she does is shut me out and she wonders why I've been acting like I have.  I'm so sick of the confinement.  I can't handle the restrictions anymore.  She thinks I am not capable of living on my own or being independent and honestly that's all I want.  Years ago I strived to have her undivided love and attention so I did everything she asked, but now all I want it to be away from her."

I didn't even realize I had raised my voice or that I started crying midway through my speech.

I took the tissue that the therapist was handing to me and quickly wiped my eyes, "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Don't apologize, dear.  Tell me about your brother or your father." she said in a flat emotionless tone, almost like my huge outburst didn't even happen.