All We Thought // Ashton Irwin [AU]

Chapter 36: This Is It

Just as a little reminder: italics mean that the text is Roxie's thoughts.  Enjoy!

The human body is truly a miracle when you take a step back and ponder about it.  

To think that billions and trillions of little microscopic cells come together and compose everything we are, every muscle, bone, our brain, and every organ is pretty remarkable.  Then to add to that complexity of organization, we have these powerful instinctual feelings that cascade through our veins and drive our every move.  Those feelings ingrain our minds, creating our memories and mold us throughout our existence, all because of those tiny little cells. 

The fact that I'm human...hurt.

Never did I ever think that life could be this painful, or that anything could be this painful for that matter.

Every fiber of my being hurt.  It was an inescapable feeling, that seemed to follow me wherever I went.  It was like an evil spirit inhabiting my body, sucking the life out of me day in and day out.

Life didn't really seem to matter that much anymore, it all seemed pointless.

The hurt was emotional, as well as physical.  I couldn't sleep even though I was exhausted, my body ached, and I had a headache that never dissipated no matter how much ibuprofen I took.  Some days I even felt as though I ran a marathon, without even taking a single step.

It is crazy to think that you have to cut someone out of your life to realize how deeply connected they are to you.  It felt as if at one point our hearts were literally wired together, beating as one.  I never knew it was possible to be that close to anyone, but clearly I was wrong and now I was left with nothing but my barely beating heart with all its damage.

After leaving Ashton's house, I never once turned back.  I had made my choice and that was final.  I had played ping pong with his feelings way too much in the last few months and it wasn't fair to him.  Sometimes you had to let the people you love go because it is what's best for them.

I had no idea if I made the right choice, but I would eventually find out.

The wedding date slowly crept up on me, days passing by all too quickly as the weather became warmer and the winter became a thought of the past.  The trees slowly regained their green buds back and little by little the flowers began to bloom.  The snow was long melted and the chill was gone from the air, only to leave people with smiling faces and a serious case of spring fever.

I was the only one who didn't catch spring fever, but as they say in show biz "The show must go on".

Evan and I went and put a down payment on the venue a few weeks after returning back home from the rehab center.  The venue that our parent's had chosen was actually quite beautiful and would have been any little girl's dream venue once it was decorated.  I finalized the seating charts, and I even bought my bridesmaid's dresses, as well as my own wedding dress.  Amber accompanied me on those tasks, and although we weren't the best of friends, she was the only person I had for something close to a maid of honor.

Aside from the wedding, Ashton quit his job at work.  I had found out when I returned that he resigned the day after we had our big fight.  Kelly was told to clean out his desk because he refused to come in and do it, so she packed up all his belongings and left it in boxes.  She said I would receive a new assignment in a few days, only because someone had already wanted to take the position.  Otherwise, I would have been on my own for awhile.

When I walked into his office to get it ready for the new intern, there was a single box left on his desk.  The room still had the faint smell of his citrus cologne and I could still picture him sitting at his desk, with his feet up on top as he smirked at me.