Disillusionment - Matthew Daddario

F o r t y N i n e

In a split second everything froze, until Jensen spoke, "Oh hell no, fuck this,"

•

Rushing to stand between Matt and Jensen, I placed both of my hands against Jensens chest, preventing him from advancing on Matt and god knows what else he would of done, "Jens, it's okay, I'll- I'll be there in a minute ok? Just give us a moment please?" I looked at him with pleading eyes, watching the burning need to smack the man behind me, simmer down slowly.

"I don't approve this," he glanced down at me momentarily before glaring at Matt, "But you're a big girl, so if you need me, I'll be waiting in there ok?" He muttered something under his breath as he passed by Matthew, ensuring he gave him a menacing glare as he did.

There was a long silence before Matt took a deep breath, standing in front of me, rolling on his heels with his hands folded behind his back, "So, hello Ivy,"

"Matthew," I nodded curtly, "Jensen is still a little-"

"Pissed?" He chuckled lightly, it was a little awkward but he was at a loss for words, so I didn't blame him.

"I was going to say sour, but pissed works too," I shrugged, "So you're up for an award tonight? Think you've got a chance?"

"Uh I like to think we have, the shows got some pretty dedicated fans," he brushes his thumb along his jawline slowly, something I know is a nervous habit of his, "Listen, about, well, the letters you sent-"

"Don't Matt, honestly it's in the past, I needed a personal therapy and they helped. I'm sorry if they hurt you or affected your relationship in any way, that was never my intention, well at the end it wasn't," I chuckled, slightly embarrassed by my angry childlike attitude, "Maybe at the beginning I wanted to hurt you, but I passed that anger phase and I moved on,"

"You're happy now? You're okay?" I could see he didn't want to use the words lost and depressed, he didn't want to trigger anything that could send me into the place I was a year ago. He wanted to know how affected I was by his actions all that time ago.

"I'm happy Matthew, I really am. I finally achieved my dreams and I'm going places," I smiled, and for the first time in a long time, I could see myself maybe forgiving him someday, "What about you? How is everything? Are you and Emily well?"

"You actually want to know about Emily?" He seems disbelieving of my concern for her momentarily but soon smiled, "Of course you do, that's just like you,"

"What is?" I frowned, not fully understanding what he meant.

"No matter how much it hurt you what I did with Emily, you're willing to look by that and ask how we are," he shrugged, "That's just you, no matter what, you're kind and caring toward everyone,"

"Is that bad?" I asked curiously, realising he was right, that is me. I'm kind and considerate to everyone, believing that in order to receive kindness and respect; you have to give it out.

"No, it's admirable," Matt smiled, and for a second I watched as he placed his words carefully in his mind before speaking, "We're good though, everything is good and yeah,"

"And yeah?" I frowned, not quite taking his very simple but plainly boring answer truthfully, "Matt are-"

"IVY IVY IVY FINALLY!" I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I saw a tipsy Tyler and Kit sauntering up behind Matt, obviously having spent a while looking for me, "Jensen said we shouldn't interrupt but I need you to come with me and Kitty here now,"

"Ty can you give me a second?" I pleaded with him but it wasn't much use, within seconds Kit had clung to me and was eager to leave, "I- I'm sorry Matt, they're impossible," attempting to say goodbye a challenge as the two intoxicated men continued to pull me into the arena.

Matt cupped his hands around his mouth grinning, "I'll catch up with you later it's fine, good seeing you Ivy!"

I waved to what I assumed was him before turning to the two boys either side of me, "I hate you both,"

"We just saved your ass, cool it captain," Kit rolled his eyes, "We're actors for a reason,"

"Now let's actually go get drunk," Tyler grinned.

"Let's," I agreed thoroughly, I need it now.