Disillusionment - Matthew Daddario

F i f t y T h r e e

Ivy,

I've been staring at this piece of paper all morning. Trying my hardest to think of the right thing to say to you.

Something that is an acceptable response to everything you've written.

Something deserving of the grace and forgiveness you showed last week at the awards show.

Something worthy.

Yet nothing i start, ever gets finished because none of it, is enough.

Nothing I could ever pen, would be enough for you.

I've done an eternal number of things wrong in my life and a never ending number of chances were missed to make them right.

So I'll be damned if I let another chance slip by.. to make amends and fix things with you.

My mistakes with you, were those of my biggest mistakes. My upmost regrets.

I know that having your forgiveness, doesn't mean I have your trust and I don't expect to ever have that back. I well and truly lost that with my betrayal and I accept that that, was wholly my fault and the biggest mistake I've ever made.

But I'd like to think that I can work towards having your trust, I'd like to think that someday, you'll be able to confidently call me a friend again.

I only have one question now though.

Are you happy now? With who you are, who you have surrounding you and what you do?

Because if anything, happiness is all I wish for you.

With love always and forever,

Matthew.

P.S. I'm sorry I took so long to reply. Words were lost upon me until now, having seen you in person gave me the huge kick up the ass I needed to write to you.

P.P.S I'm so sorry for everything, there will never come a day, that I'm not sorry.