Disillusionment - Matthew Daddario

F i f t y S i x

Matthew,

You really need to stop being so surprised that I reply, of course I'm going to. Each and every time.

I don't resent you at all, the past is in the past and that's all there is to that part of our lives now. It's history and there's nothing we can do, so why dwell in the past?

You're offended? I'm offended. My handwriting is perfectly fine!

I understand that, keeping a front on. A facade of sorts. I kept myself physically and emotionally shut behind closed doors for so long I was sure I was going insane. If my letters are anything to go by, I did go slightly insane!

But I was too afraid to be open with people.

I was constantly struggling with talking to people who had no real idea of what I'd been through. So I stopped talking altogether.

I felt peace and happiness too, after seeing you in person and being able to face you finally.  I can't quite explain it, but everything suddenly felt right again. I had my best friend, even if the journey was only just starting for us, for a new leaf.

You did fuck up, but so did I, I messed it up just as much. I could of flown to you or something. We both are at fault.

I hope someday too, we can get back to where we started. I miss my best friend, I've been missing my best friend since he left.

So give me a time and place and I'll be willing to meet him, that other Matthew who I called my partner in crime, halfway and fix this friendship.

From Ivy.