Jack's Girl

43: Caved

You knew the evening would end at Sean's apartment. It couldn't be simple. Not anymore.

You made a major move. Never in your life you thought you'd be the one to kiss someone first.

Sean didn't take your first kiss, you gave it to him.

Now your relationship with him was changing drastically, and faster then you wanted.

Sean hadn't planned a midnight surprise party, or at least it didn't look that way. His apartment looked to be straightened. A few blankets folded and thrown over the arm of the sofa, the kitchen sink had been cleaned out, and two coasters laid on the coffee table waiting to be used.

"Care for a drink?" Sean asks, as he closes the door and turns on the lights.

"Sure," you thought about adding something to your sentence but nothing came. Well, nothing that sounded polite.

You laid your two things down on the coffee table. A wallet/key combo lanyard and your phone.

You sat down on the sofa and Sean brought out a wine bottle and glasses to pair.

A smile formed on your cheek as you remembered the last time you and Sean shared a bottle of wine.

He poured you a glass and the night began. You both took turns exchanging hilariously stupid childhood stories, and random thoughts that would cross your minds as children.

Then it got serious.

"So did you go back and forth with your parents?" Sean asked. "Like one week you stayed with your dad and the next was with your mom?"

You laid the glass on one of the coasters. You didn't say anything.

"Oh, I-I didn't mean to- I wasn't- I'm sorry." He said finally.

"No it's fine. And to answer your question, no we never did that. My mom left and never came back. So I stayed with my dad up until now. He always said that she moved to a different country. As a child, I'd wish that she had moved to France, a place I've always wanted to visit."

"It is a beautiful place." Sean agreed.

"Now, I hope she's no where to be found." You admit.

Sean takes your hand. His eyes stare at you with concern. They looked as if they were slowly filling with tears.

Sean couldn't have understood what you were going through. Then again, he had 17million fans with individual problems that somehow he made a difference in. All those people watching him, and you're just sitting here pushing him away. You could imagine all those people hating you.

"I know you like your space. I get that." Sean started.

"'But that's still not a good enough reason to not be comfortable.'" You finished. Referencing one of your first conversations with Sean.

"Actually it is." Sean chuckled. "I realize that now. I didn't understand back then, but I do now."

You laid your head on his shoulder. You wanted to hide your face from him. All this shame came out of no where and you couldn't look Sean in the eye.

He must have noticed how upset you were. He wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. He nuzzled your neck with his nose.

This made your heart beat uncontrollably. You placed your hands on top of Sean's.

He tensed and moved his hands away quickly and tucked them behind his back. Sean kissed your neck, his whiskers tickled and made you laugh.

When Sean pulled his hands back up, they held a black box tied together with a silver ribbon. It fit perfectly in his hands. So obviously it was to big to be a ring. But it still warmed your heart.

"What's this for?" You asked, taking the box in your tiny hands.

"Your birthday present." Sean answered. His arms wrapped around your waist again.

You happily untied the ribbon and opened the box. Inside, placed ever so delicately on black velvet, was a silver charm bracelet that had two additional charms.

The first charm was an oval shape with a lime green 'J' etched into the charm. The second was a glossy raspberry shape. Complete with your signature shade of red.

You didn't say anything. All you could do was smile. You knew exactly what it was.

Sean let you go and picked up the bracelet carefully. He took your left hand and clipped it around your wrist.

You sat there and admired the bracelet, gently touching the shiny charms. As if not to taint them with filth.

Sean weaved his fingers into yours and you leaned back.

Tears started to form in your eyes. Not because of Sean and his charm, but because of you and your terrible past.

It got to the point of sobbing. You both sat up as you tried whipping away at the waterfall of tears.

Sean faced you now, asking questions of all sorts. He rubbed your arm, brushed at your hair, whipped away your tears.

When you finally caught your breath, Sean asked what was wrong.

"Me. I'm wrong. Everything about me is wrong." You admit.

"What are you saying? Nothing is wrong with you." Sean tries to calm you down.

"Don't you get it? I'm a mistake. I don't belong here. I don't belong with you, with my dad, at school, I don't even belong in this earth. I shouldn't exist." You protest.

Sean grabbed your wrists and tried to pull you into an embrace. You resisted but failed. Sean's warm body slowed your heart rate and made you unconsciously take deep breaths. It was like he could calm you down by just a simple touch, but it was much more then that.

"Tell me. Tell me what's going on. Tell me why you're thinking these terrible things." Sean demanded.

You have always been stubborn. You didn't like interacting with other people, hanging around in big crowds, or caving into peer pressure. And this was maxing out all of those categories.

You didn't want to tell Sean anything. You wanted to keep your imperfections to yourself.

But you couldn't.

The more you held them to your heart, the more you carried these burdens, the more hard any of this was going to be.

You caved.

You told Sean everything. To how you felt when your mom left, to how it was like living with a drunken father. What your life was like before you had Sean.

With every word, your voice grew wearier. Sean held you tighter, never letting you go.

Once your story was finished his grip finally loosened. Guessing he held you because he didn't want you to see him crying too.

He whipped at his tears with a grin across his face. "Thank you for telling me. I honestly thought you wouldn't but I knew you had to get it off of your chest." He said.

"What's with that stupid grin?!" You scream. "I just told you everything there is to know about my past and this is what a get?!"

"No! No! I'm sorry. I guess I was just a little happy that you felt comfortable with me." He explained.

You punched his arm. "Well don't act like you don't have any issues."

Sean chuckled. "You'd be right."

You laid your head onto his chest. Your ear was pressed in the perfect spot to hear his heart beat. It was heavy and fast. Like something was racing through his blood.

That night was nothing like how it would have went down in the movies, even though you still prefer reading stories off the internet.

You and Sean finished the bottle of wine and had many conversations. Some silly, some serious. At one point you both decided to play '21 questions' but fell asleep on the sofa. He fell asleep first.

You had your head laid on his chest with the rest of your body to one side of the sofa. Sean's body was warm and his breathing was steady. It was as if you where on a boat at sea, drifting off on steady waves to an eternal sleep.