Jack's Girl

25: Good Goodbye To The Past

The ride from the airport to Sean's apartment complex was way too quiet. It was late and the ride was lit by passing cars and dull orange street lamps.

Whatever you said at the airport must have done a number on Sean. Even though you could tell he wasn't listening. He kept staring into your eyes, like he was getting lost at sea. You locked eyes with him a couple of times and you knew that he was trying not to listen.

You weren't really pouring your heart out to him or anything. You just kept saying the same things over again.

I know something happened.
I can't leave you alone.
I'm sorry.

That was it. You just kept repeating those three topics. You didn't dare add anything to them. If you did then you would definitely be pouring your heart out.

You've only done that once before. But it was more like begging than pouring. You were just old enough to start remembering things.

You were upstairs in your bedroom floor with your ear pressed to the air vent. Your own little detective trick. You were trying to hear what your parents were talking about. During dinner they were both talking to you then they started to talk to each other. You could tell it was serious because of the way your mother had straightened her posture.

Your mother had that kind of impression. She was like a queen. Her fair complexion and strong features made her appear that way. She never raised her voice and always handled things in an orderly manner.

At the dinner table she had straightened her back and relaxed her shoulders. She then excused you from the dinner table and promised you'd have a sweet later.

You jumped from the table and ran upstairs, imagining what kind of sweet. Would it be a slice of cake or a whole cupcake. In your eyes the difference from a slice of cake and a cupcake was extravagant.

Now, with your ear glued to the air vent, you listen. They were arguing of course so you decided to sit up and ignore their constant yelling. You doodle for a minute and hear the front door slam shut.

Then you jumped up and ran down the stairs. You flashed a look at your dad who was sitting in the recliner with a case of beer next to him. You ran to the front door to try and open it, but you were too small to reach the handle properly. Instead you ran to the window right next to the door. Your eyes got puffy at the sight.

You saw your mother in her beat up blue car. He hair had halfway fallen down and her face a raspberry color. She had been crying. Your mother was throwing random clothes in the back seat.

You both catch each other's eyes. Yours were filled with tears. Hers were red and puffy. It was the first time you ever saw your mother loose her composure. She let her head fall, put the car in reverse, pulled out of the driveway and into the street, and drove away never to be seen again.

You banged your little hands on the windows, screaming and crying for your mother to come back. You ran to your dad but he wouldn't flinch. You tried throwing pillows and magazines at him but your aim wasn't that good. If you did manage to hit him, he wouldn't move.

You ran back up stairs to your parents' bathroom, trying to find something new to throw at your dad. But instead you found a necklace on the corner of the sink. You wiped away at your face and picked up the necklace.

It was an off-white colored rose pendant that was hanging from a silver chain by the stem. This necklace was your mother's favorite one to wear. She would wear it to dinners and special parties that you never went to. You used to watch her put on her makeup and jewelry. You had always dreamed of wearing that necklace. It meant as much to you as it did to your mother.

You took the necklace into your tiny hands. You thought to yourself that your mother would return for her favorite necklace and her only daughter. So you pull the necklace over your head and shove it into your shirt as you ran back to your room.

You wore that necklace where ever you went for as long as you could remember. The time you stopped wearing it was depressing. You were fourteen when you decided to stop. You knew that your mother wasn't coming for you or her stupid necklace. It lost its meaning to you long before you realized it. So you placed the necklace in your jewelry box where it would never be placed on your neck until now.

You had your fingers wrapped around the rose, staring out the window of Sean's vehicle.

"What's wrong?" Sean asked you.

You didn't answer. All you could do was keep your tears from flowing. If Sean saw you cry you'd never forgive yourself.

"Raspberry?" Sean called you by his nickname for you, trying to cheer you up.

"It's nothing. I was just saying goodbye."

"Goodbye to what?" Sean's questions always seemed so dull but in the end he still cared.

"My past."